Even Now

Chapter 9: Expedition Sailor

*Warning: triggering words and subjects ahead.*

***

March 24, 1993: Seattle, WA, USA

It was the day before Layne's wedding. Demri had left for her mother's to spend the night, leaving Layne alone to his thoughts.

And, God, did he have some things to think about.

For starters: what the hell had happened with Jerry last night?

He kissed you. Out of nowhere. And you kissed him back for a second... because you liked it.

Is Jerry gay? Is he in love with me?

Thinking about this was agonizing. He'd regretted yelling at Jerry the second he'd walked away from him. Layne knew it wasn't Jerry's fault, not really. Of course, it was wrong, very wrong, to have kissed him without his consent, especially when Layne was feeling vulnerable... not to mention, he was about to get fuckin' married.

But it wasn't Jerry's fault he felt something for Layne to the point of desperately acting upon it.

Layne knew that all too well...

***

This story presents a part of Layne that he's always suppressed, denying himself the very though of it.

Before 'Alice In Chains', there was a high school glam metal band named 'Sleze', chock full of rockstar wannabes.
Layne was one of those wannabes.
And so was a boy named Nick Pollock.

Layne had met Nick when 'Sleze' was out looking for a new guitarist. They'd hit it off immediately, and before they knew it, the two were best friends- inseparable.

They became each other's wingmen, sidekicks and confidants.

Layne felt drawn to Nick. Maybe it was the way he styled his hair and did his makeup (being a glam-metal guy, same as Layne), but he couldn't deny the fact that he was attracted to Nick in some form or other.
The wonderful thing was that Nick felt the same way.

The two had been hanging out in Layne's room, listening to music and talking about different bands.
The two shared a love of 'Mötley Crüe'. It was one of the many things that they'd bonded over.

They'd been sitting on the floor, leaning up against the edge of Layne's bed. They'd been flipping through random magazines. Layne had been mock-singing along to a song by 'Twisted Sister' on the radio.

And then, out of nowhere, Layne got the urge to kiss Nick.
He'd always wondered what it would be like to kiss a guy. And Nick was a really pretty guy...

So, he'd kissed him. And Nick didn't push him away.

They'd talked about their feelings afterwards. Nick said he'd known for half his life that he was bisexual, and that he'd had a crush on Layne from the first moment they'd met. Layne had said that he wasn't gay or anything, but was definitely interested in where things might go with Nick.

Since Nick was there to sleep over, Layne had invited him into his bed. Nothing sexual happened. In fact, nothing else happened other than the two falling soundly asleep beside each other.

Maybe they'd slept a little too soundly.

When morning came, Layne's mother had walked in to find him in bed with who she'd thought was a girl.
When the two boys sat up, not knowing the full extent of what was happening, Layne's mother had screamed. She'd run downstairs to call Layne's stepfather, who was away at the time.
Layne had told Nick to get dressed and leave immediately. They were both terrified. Layne was more defensive than angry, wanting to protect Nick from his mother's wrath.