Even Now

Chapter 33: And So It Goes

~posted and written on the 18th of December~

***

Early Morning Of March 18, 1994: Seattle, WA, USA

"Every ounce, every fibre of my being..."

These words repeat again and again and again in Layne's head as though his brain were just a broken record player.

"I love you, Layne, with every ounce, every fibre of my being. I would do anything if it meant I got to be with you. Anything..."

As Layne lies in bed with his very pregnant wife, he cannot help himself from staring at her in all her innocent beauty.
Such a facade.

"Could Demri say the same?"

Could she?

Layne knows the answer to that question.
It breaks him.

He turns onto his side, away from Demri, a clenching pain in his chest as the weight of the world crashes down upon him.

He shudders as warm tears blur his eyesight and run down his face, falling over his nose to land on the pillow beside him. He's careful not to make any noise. He wouldn't want to wake Demri... knowing him, he'd probably start some kind of fight or something.

All his thoughts surround Jerry right now.
He doesn't want to be at home in bed with Demri; he wants to be in Jerry's small studio apartment, in the arms of the one person who truly loves him.

He feels a choking feeling in his throat as he thinks about how truly broken his relationship with Demri is; how they've both grown so apart from each other that they've both sought comfort in the arms of another.

But Demri had found Rosheen years ago, so, what did that say about her? Had she been unhappy this whole time?

Layne doesn't want to be in that bed anymore.
If anything, he wants to get out, take a cab to Jerry's apartment, kiss him and embrace him, spend the night with him... but what he most desires is the chance to tell Jerry how he truly feels.

You don't feel this way very often... but you've felt it before. You've felt it with Demri.
You've fallen for him, you know you have- you didn't even fall for Demri this quickly.

Ever since they'd first met, Jerry had been the one constant in Layne's life. He was always there for him, always a true friend- undoubtedly his best friend...

Never did Layne think he'd be lucky enough to ever have a bond with anyone like the one he had with Jerry.
And now, after everything... that bond had only been strengthened... "acted upon," if you will...

Layne thinks back to that night in Rio when they'd been forced to let Mike Starr go, forever barring him from the band.

Back then, there was no way Layne would've wanted the intimacy he now had with Jerry- in fact, he'd kinda been pissed at him for firing Mike.

Still, Layne and Jerry always had this... "comfortable" sense around each other, where they'd always been free to be themselves no matter what.
They knew the good, the bad, and the ugly about each other- there was no need to hide anything.

Funny how a "relationship" of sorts can make you want to hide everything but the good...

Layne knew Jerry like the back of his hand: he was an incredibly intelligent guy, confident, sensitive, serious, pessimistic with a realistic outlook on life, temperamental and difficult from time to time, often rather really into a project or really not (no in-between), sure of what he wants out of life, not a fan of small talk, and, above all, he was someone who would always put another's needs ahead of his own.