S.O.S. (Markiplier x Reader Fanfiction) P1B2

Chapter 12: We've Been Strong For Too Long

"Why can't I stop?" Mark asked me. I sat straight up next to him and looked at him in the eye. "Because, it's an addiction." I answered straight forwardly.

~Your POV~

Mark had definitely been crying while I was at home doing the same thing. His eyes were all red and his face was just sad looking in general. My heart dropped after figuring this out. "Can I come in?" I asked finally. He nodded his head and made way for me to come in.

His whole apartment was pitch black. His curtains were closed, the lights were off. The only light that was being produced in the apartment was coming from the window. The light of the cloudy sky was beaming through his curtains. It was pretty hard to see, but I already know my way around Mark's apartment.

I looked at Mark, who was just standing ten feet behind me by the door. "Want to turn on a light or two?" I asked him with a sympathetic look on my face. He shook his head. "No thanks." he said loud enough for me to hear. I continued staring at him. His arms were still twitching a bit from whatever was going on with him. No...he didn't...

"Why are you wearing a long sleeved shirt?" I asked him, pointing at his chest. Again, he shook his head. "Why are you?" he asked back.

I crossed my arms and massaged my biceps. "I'm just cold." I lied. Mark slowly approached me with an apathetic look on his face. "Me too." he said back.

Was he really cold? Because this apartment is pretty warm. Probably seventy degrees. Plus, he had taken a shower. And...how can he see without his glasses?

I sat down on the couch and he did the same thing. "I'm sorry, Mark." I said, facing him. He gave me a weird look. "Why are you sorry? You didn't even do anything wrong." he asked. I shrugged and looked down at my lap. I didn't want to tell him why. I want to show him.

I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around his neck. He blushed in the darkness. "Because, when we hugged before, I should've just done this." I said and leaned in to kiss him. His naked eyes closed right away and he followed the movements of my lips like he'd been waiting to do this again. Mark wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. My right hand moved to his bicep, attempting to lower his arm to my hips, but he yelped in pain.

We ended up breaking the kiss in shock and just stared into each others' eyes. Mark was trying to rub out the pain on his arm, but he wasn't succeeding much. "Mark...?" I asked ssuspiciously. "What's..wrong with your arm?"

He just sat there and didn't answer me. We were maintaining eye contact, but it wasn't really doing or saying much.

I gently held his hand, pulled his arm over to where I can see it clearly, and carefully rolled up his left sleeve. On his arm, burn marks everywhere. I was at a loss of words. I never knew Mark was able to be pushed over the edge so suddenly. Right now, I feel like it's all my fault. It probably is. "Please don't get mad at me." Mark said, crying a few tears. I looked up at him right after he said that and started tearing up too. "Mark, I was probably mad at you before, but I still love you with all my heart. How can I get mad at you about this...when I..." Mark looked into my eyes and waited for me to finish my sentence. Instead of telling him, I rolled up my left sleeve and showed him the cuts I made in the shower.

Mark looked a little uncomfortable because these cuts were very deep. He observed them a little more. "I'm surprised that you're still alive." he told me. I nodded my head. "Just wish I died in the shower today." I admitted. I stood up from the couch, ready to have a breakdown. "I wish Jackson shot me back there." I added. Mark stood up and abruptly hugged me tightly. "Don't ever say or even think that, (f/n)!" he screamed. "If you died, I'd be dead, too!"

We hugged each other for a few minutes until he forced the both of us to sit down again. I covered my eyes and cried more while Mark tried to comfort me. He was rubbing my back with his burned up arm until I stopped crying and wiped away my tears.

"You only burned yourself, right?" I asked. Mark grew silent again, which showed that he did more than just that. He held out his right arm and let me roll up that sleeve, too. His arm was covered in cuts that looked similar to mine. He must've used a razor, too. I kissed both of his arms while he slightly smiled at me. When I finished, I put my hand over his right arm, and then his left. "Please, Mark. Don't ever do this again." I begged. He nodded his head in agreement. "I never wanted to start in the first place. I just didn't know how else to cope." he explained.

I looked at his arms again. He continued speaking. "When I started, I just couldn't stop. And I didn't know why. I still don't." he added. I sat up a little straighter and looked at him in the eye. "That's because it becomes addicting." I answered. "Once you start, it becomes a...'fun' activity or something. A lot of people who have been strong for too long eventually resort to this. Kind of like us."

"Can you promise me something?" Mark asked. I nodded my head. "Anything." I said back. He held my hands and gave me a serious look. "Please never cut again." he said. I breathed in and nodded my head. "I promise, as long as you never do it again." I told him. He smiled. "Deal."

I walked into Mark's bedroom and saw that he had my barrette and a lighter sitting next to each other on the end table. I turned to Mark and he had a guilty look on his face. "Mark..." I said. He shrugged and moved his gaze to the ground. I went up to him and hugged him again. "I knew those burn marks looked a little familiar to me." I whispered in his chest.

He broke me from the hug. "Wait, what?" he asked. He stared at me until I finally spoke. "When I was like ten years old, I used to brutally burn myself with that barrette. Luckily, my parents never found out about it." I explained. Mark's face looked sad. He never knew that I'd been hurting myself since my tween years. Just imagine living in a society where you're only ten years old and you already hate the world.

"Figuring out that you did the same thing earlier made me want to cry." I finished. Mark picked up the barrette from the table and handed it to me. The barrette was pink on one side, and metallic on the other. I saw a hint of black on the metallic side, showing that fire had made contact with it.

I took the barrette into the bathroom along with Mark and just flushed it down the toilet. "No more burning for either of us." I said as I watched the barrette spin around inside the toilet until it finally vanished. Mark held me from behind as we made our way out of the bathroom. "I love you so much, (f/n)." he said in my ear, and bit it gently. I stroked his soft hair. "I love you too, Mark." I said back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Mark finally promised each other that you wouldn't self harm anymore despite the circumstances. Can you guys keep this promise? or is it too much to ask for?