Kiribaku Oneshots

❤️ I Wanna Gag, I Wanna Choke ❤️

A/N: Hey, so, I'm super stupid. Like, to the point where I wanted to see if someone's done a Bakugou impression while singing WAP. And... well...

Uhm.

Let that just speak for itself. I dunno.

So, my amazing, sweet, innocent girlfriend said "make this a oneshot". So. By request of _JellyBelly360_, we have... this crack.

Kirishima's POV

"Bakugou! Truth or dare!" Mina beamed, clutching her pillow tightly.

"Dare," my boyfriend grinned.

"Chug this whole bottle of BBQ sauce in a minute," Mina said, practically producing a full bottle out of nowhere.

"Bet?"

"Sure," Sero laughed.

It was a Friday when our quarter ended, so we had no homework. So we were all in Ashido's dorm, having a sleepover. And since we're idiot kids, we're playing Truth or Dare since we've got nothing to live for.

For the most part.

"Thousand yen that he can't do it," Kaminari said.

"Two thousand," Sero chipped in.

"I believe in him, I'm not betting," I said, crossing my arms.

"Ha, whipped," Mina laughed as she placed 4,500 yen with Sero and Kaminari's biddings.

Bakugou scoffed, rolling his eyes as he screwed off the lid to the condiment.

"Who's got the timer?"

***

"Truth or Dare?"

"What the hell have I been saying all night?" Katsuki scoffed, being 7,500 yen richer than he was at the beginning of the night, and possibly nauseous from the fact that he managed to finish an entire bottle of BBQ in twenty three seconds.

"Sing the song WAP blindfolded. The lyrics will be in front of you, but you can't see them. If you pull off the blindfold too early, we're putting you in a mad outfit,"

Katsuki sat there, allowing me to tie the silken blindfold around his face.

Kaminari pulled the instrumental up, and we just waited. We waited, and I was absolutely terrified for my fucking life.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, certified freak. Seven days a week. Wet-ass pussy make that pull-out game weak,"

"WHY DO YOU KNOW THE LYRICS?!" I yelled.

"Yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy. Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy. Beat it up, catch a charge. Extra large and extra hard. Put this pussy right in your face, swipe your nose like a credit card,"

I'm absolutely ashamed at the fact that my gut churned with warmth, because I'm a dirty boy with a dirty mind. And when I do a think, it can be a bad think. And it's a kinky think. And kinky thinky stuff ain't something I want right now. Kinky thinky make brain no do goo.

"Hop on top, I wanna ride, I do a kegel while it's inside. Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes, this pussy is wet, come take a dive. Tie me up like I'm surprised. Let's role play, I'll wear a disguise
I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage,"

Katsuki gave me a quick finger gun, making me gulp and cover my mouth with my hand.

That fucking dirty son of a bitch.

"Make it cream, make me scream out in public, make a scene. I don't cook, I don't clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring,"

"Can you keep up, Bakugou?" Kaminari asked.

"Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me. Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me, I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be. I'll run down on him 'fore I have a bitch running me. Talk your shit, bite your lip, ask for a car while you ride that dick. You really ain't never gotta fuck him for a thang. He already made his mind up 'fore he came,"

"Dude, you okay?" Sero whispered. "You look red,"

I nodded, not taking my eyes off of Bakugou.

"Simp,"

"Now get your boots and your coat for this wet-ass pussy. He bought a phone just for pictures of this wet-ass pussy. Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet-ass pussy. Now make it rain if you wanna see some wet-ass pussy,"

Mina had her phone out, probably recording for a long while. Katsuki wasn't gonna live this down.

"Look, I need a hard hitter, I need a deep stroker, I need a Henny drinker, I need a weed smoker. Not a garden snake, I need a king cobra with a hook in it, hope it lean over. He got some money, then that's where I'm headed. Pussy A1, just like his credit. He got a beard, well, I'm tryna wet it. I let him taste it, now he diabetic,"

Kaminari has long since been wheezing on the ground, literally losing his shit. He could barely breathe. It was absolutely hilarious.

"I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp, I wanna gag, I wanna choke, I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat. My head game is fire, punani Dasani. It's going in dry and it's coming out soggy. I ride on that thang like the cops is behind me. I spit on his mic and now he tryna sign me,"

NOPE! BAD KIRI! NO SEX THOUGHTS! NO! THIS IS FLUFF! NOT SMUT! SAVE THAT FOR THE SEX CHAPTERS! CALM DOWN! NO SMUT YET!

I smacked my head a few times with the palm of my hand.

"Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes. Switch my wig, make him feel like he cheating. Put him on his knees, give him something to believe in, never lost a fight, but I'm looking for a beating. In the food chain, I'm the one that eat ya. If he ate my ass, he's a bottom feeder. Big D stand for big demeanor. I could make you bust before I ever meet ya
If it don't hang, then he can't bang.

Katsuki started doing the dance that went with this segment, still sitting cross-legged on the ground and blindfolded.

"You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain. If he fuck me and ask, 'Whose is it?' When I ride the dick, I'ma spell my name. Ah,"

HE MOANED. HE MOANED. OH MY FUCKING GOD. HE MOANED. KILL ME NOW. I CAN DIE A HAPPY MAN.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy. Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy. Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy. Now from the top, make it drop. That's some wet-ass pussy now get a bucket and a mop. That's some wet-ass pussy. I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP. That's some wet-ass pussy. Macaroni in a pot, that's some wet-ass pussy, huh,"

"You can take off the blindfold," Sero said, Katsuki lifting the silk blindfold from his face.

"Ei, what's with your face? You get flustered by me talking about some random cunt?" he asked with a grin.

"N-no! Definitely not that!" I stammered, waving my hands back and forth. "Could we, uh, not discuss this? Right now?"

"Fine," Katsuki mumbled. "I do want cuddles though, so lemme cuddle you, asshole,"

"Sure thing, Katsuki," I said with a grin, opening my arms so he could wrap around me.

Katsuki likes to hold me like a koala, wrapping his arms and legs around my torso and stuffing his face in the crook of my neck.

"Oh, and one more thing," Katsuki whispered.

"What's up, Katsu?"

"I want you to park your big Mack truck right in this little garage,"

"KATSUKI FUCKING BAKUGOU, YOU DID NOT JUST--"

A/N: Brain no do goop. Stay safe and healthy! - Septic / Spark