Sweet as a Sunflower (akaken)

✲Chapter 20✲

I woke up and Keiji was still sleeping but, he usually wakes up first..
I gently place my head on his chest, desperately trying to hear his heartbeat.
I was starting to get really scared now...I couldn't hear anything..
until I heard a small very low sounding
'Bu-dump'
I sigh out of relief but I didn't move. I had to hear the rest...I was really worried, what I heard was too low to be an actual heartbeat.
'bu-dump............bu-dump..............bu-dump...'
'There's something wrong'
His heart rate can't be this slow...
I hate to think this but I have to bring him back...he's cold to the touch, really pale, and his breathing is so shaky...
His lungs might be failing him now...There's nothing I can do to help him and that upsets me the most. I feel like i'm just watching him suffer almost like i don't care enough to do anything, when he's clearly in pain. I sigh when i get up, sitting here isn't going to do anything for him..
I quietly creep into the kitchen to make breakfast for Keiji, hoping he'll like what i have to offer.

When I'm finished making pancakes i add a bunch of fruits along with it. Presentation is key people. I make eggs and sausage to go along with it, knowing he's going to want to drown his food in syrup I get a small container and pour some in there. Being sugar high isn't the best thing for him right now..
I know he likes granola bars so i set one on his plate and make sure none of his food is touching, he hates that.
When the food is finally finished I grab a chocolate bar for me and take his food upstairs. When I walk in he is still sleeping ever so quietly. I set his plate down on his desk and gently poke him awake. He gets up slowly, fluttering his beautiful long eyelashes.
"..Did you make this for me..?"
"...Yes.."
"...none of it is touching...just how I like it.." he says with a very small, but gentle smile.
"...I know you like a lot of sugar but you can't have as much as you'd like.."
"It's fine..if you made it i'll eat it how you bring it.." he says while putting a small amount of eggs in his mouth.

I blush at his beauty, he's the most beautiful and calm person I've ever met. I still don't know what i'll do without him... I will never move on. It disgusts me, seeing myself with anyone else but him. I've shared my first everything with him..I wanted to marry him..I always thought of only our future. But I never thought i'd see the day
where someone tells me he won't have one...
I can't believe this would happen to such a wonderful person..

This is the worst thing that could happen to him..he has so much to live for..he's always grateful,always thankful, he's always polite, and only thinks of others...
That is why he is like this now.. he never told anyone...and never asked for help..
If i would've known a year or two ago he would've been okay..but he was more focused on seeing me again and being a handy helper to others...

What will his parents say..they're not aware that their son is dying...I have to tell them before everything happens or they'll think it's their fault...because that's just how parents are...except for mine..
I'll try to always stay with him and i'll always wear his ring and...he'll die wearing mine...

The thought of him dying makes me wish i was never born...I wish i never met him..but if i hadn't i'd be living a lie..I'd be unhappy and i'd feel like dying but be too afraid to kill myself that i'd just deal with the constant stabbing in my system...the constant pain and agony..it's all so..hurtful..and i don't know if it'll be that way again when he's gone..

"..K-kenma-chan.."
"..O-oh y-yes?"
"..you're going to take me back...aren't you?"
"....You know I have to.."
"...It isn't a necessity...I don't like it there.."
"I know but...i can't help you like they can.."
"You being here is helping me.."
"I'll always be with you.."
"...I wish you wouldn't say it like that...but being in there is suffocating and I really don't like it.."
"I know but how about we make a deal?"
"...Okay.."
"I'll come see you everyday.. with all your favorite foods..yes?"
"..You put up a hard bargain Kozume Kenma...but sure.." He says with an angelic chuckle.
"Alright then, Keiji Akaashi." I say jokingly.

At this moment..i felt like crying right in his chest, letting everything out. Why is everything so upside down?! Why is this world so cruel! I hate it here I hate it i hate it! Why must things be like this? What has he done to deserve this? Why do bad things only happen to good people, why do good people have to suffer?! Why is everything and everyone so cruel! I wish I never made any promises, people break promises all the time. He said he'd stay by my side, always. The only promise you can make, and keep is

The promise of death.
Death will always be the only promise you can keep. And it'll stay that way forever.