Sweet as a Sunflower (akaken)

✲ Chapter 24 ✲

It's been a week since Akaashi's death, and today his funeral is finally prepared. Kenma only imagined putting on a tux for their wedding, not his funeral. A deep pain filled him as he got in the car with Bokuto and Kuroo. He decided to sit in the back with Tsukishima since he doesn't talk as much as the two upfront. Kenma secretly preferred that Tsukishima drive, since he got his license before Bokuto did. Meaning he was the better driver. Secretly, Kenma didn't mind if they crashed at this point. He didn't want to go to his funeral, he couldn't look at him dressed perfectly, and stuffed in a box like a collectors doll.

'I want to go home.'  Kenma thought.
"Are you holding up okay?" Tsukishima whispered to kenma, hoping for a reply.
"If i'm being honest I don't want to go to his funeral. I can't stand the thought of him actually being dead, everyday I hate myself more and I keep getting dragged to these dumb parties and meet-ups. So to answer your question, No i'm not okay." Kenma whispered back, with an expressionless face.

The car ride was very intense after that last statement. Kuroo and Bokuto goofed off in the front seat as the boys made their way to where Hinata and Kageyama were. Kenma didn't understand how they can be happy right now, but nobody was happy. Everyone tried to keep each other happy, in other words hiding the pain. It was a good distraction for a while but deep down, they knew how sad they were. They were aware that their brother-like friend was dead, and it affected Bokuto the most. He's loved him for so long, and they've always been together. He's just trying his best to stay composed and keep everyone distracted while he drives.

When Hinata and Kageyama got in, the car ride got 3x as chaotic than before.
Akaashi had many friends even though he didn't talk as much, people enjoyed his company and his advice. And overall he was a nice person, which made people gravitate towards him. Nobody knew about his suffering, he never told anyone much about him so it was natural that no one would know. When Bokuto finally reached their destination everyone's mood changed completely. When the boys got out of the car they grabbed their flowers and pictures to put up on his shrine.

Akaashi's parents were seated up front and his teammates were in the back. Nobody said a word, and everyone cried silently. Everyone raised their heads as Tsukishima walked up to read what he wrote for Akaashi. Bokuto was next, and then Kenma.

"Akaashi wasn't the type to say much but he was surrounded by friends all the time. He was witty, quick on his feet, responsible, and friendly. He helped me out a lot even though he didn't really know me. We became friends quickly, and we got along well. These next few words, would never escape my mouth for anyone but him. He was like the brother I never had. Willing to help, and willing to be there. If I needed help or needed someone to talk to I would only ever call him, he was understanding and always gave great advice. There's a pain in my heart today, since I never thought I would be standing up here so early." A few tears escaped his eyes as he stepped down and made his way back to his seat.
When Tsukishima stepped down, Bokuto stepped up.

"I knew this would happen but, this is too soon. No one was prepared for this unfortunate day. But Akaashi was my best friend, my light, and my crush. Ever since we were little he always stayed by my side. He took care of me when I broke my arm in 3rd grade, when I fell he picked me up, and if I was sad he would cheer me up. We played volleyball together in the 6th grade, we both liked the sport but I had to beg him to play with me. He wasn't stubborn, just hard to convince." He lightly joked. "Over the years my feelings for him just advanced, and of course I told him everyday. But he shot me down. Everyday. But that never stopped me from being there, and that definitely never stopped me from being his friend. If someone was as loyal to you as he was to me, you'd never want to leave. He was the best friend anyone could ask for, and he always made the best meals. I would do anything to see him one more time. Anyone would."

Bokuto didn't cry, but he desperately wanted to. Deep inside he wanted to scream his lungs out, but it was his job to lift everyone's spirits. It was Kenma's turn to say a few words, but he felt so empty and depressed. He walked up anyway, he hated being stared at but lately he could care less about being talked about or judged. Since he was already at his limit.

"Where do you even start at a time like this? I can't even begin to express how good of a person he was. So what about the bad? What about the fact that he never bothered to tell anyone about his suffering. He was so caring that he completely forgot about himself, and that's what makes it so hard to move on. Because we all know that he's not here to talk, he's not here to comfort us, and he's not here to lead us in the right direction. He always made the right decisions, and he never gave up on anything. This day is probably the worst day. No one thinks about being dead, dressed up, and stuffed into a casket. This is the most dreadful and draining day, If he were alive would he want this?" Kenma exclaimed as his pent up tears dripped down his cold cheeks.

"Would he want us to gather around like this as if it were a little party? His death is not a celebration, this is the worst day for everyone to gather around. You can't cope with everyone else around you handling it differently. I see everyone calm, and composed. How can you be so calm right now?! It's not fair to Akaashi, because if it was one of you he would be a train wreck! He cared a little too much to be disrespected this deeply so do me and Akaashi a favor, think about how you really feel." He said as he sobbed loudly.
"And if you feel a shred of gratitude or sadness, leave. You wouldn't stand for this if you really loved him, so leave." He said as he stepped down walking towards Bokuto's car.

Bokuto followed behind him as Kenma got on the drivers side, signaling Bokuto to give him the keys.
"Atleast wait for everyone else Kozume." Bokuto said as he jumped into the passengers seat.
"I can't stay here any longer, my head is pounding and I just want to go home." He explained as he swiped the hair hanging in front of his eyes to the back. Sooner or later everyone was in the car with Kageyama and Tsukishima in the back, then Kuroo and Hinata up front.
The car ride was smooth and relaxing since Kenma was driving this time.
"Kenma-san?" Hinata called out sheepishly
"Yes." Kenma replied
"Can we get food and go to your house?" He asked as he twiddled his fingers.
"...Sure, whatever you want." Kenma replied with a following sigh.

"I guess that's the power of little shrimpy.." Tsukishima whispered to Kageyama
"Yeah, I for sure thought he would say no.." Kageyama whispered back.
Kenma knew his house was clean since he never came out of his room, let alone left his bed. But that's not what he was worried about. He was worried about if they would notice anything. 'The the only smart one is Tsukishima.' Kenma thought to himself. He didn't mean it as an insult, Tsukishima just pays attention to things in close detail. 'He probably doesn't actually want to come.' Kenma hoped.

When they arrived everyone but Kuroo, Tsukishima, and Bokuto were surprised. Since their houses are big, they're used to seeing ones like Kenma's. Everyone slipped off their shoes and sat in the common area, waiting for some game to start.
They decided on monopoly, then mario kart 8, and then a drinking game. Kenma won all of them of course. He could handle his liquor, he was a gamer so mario kart came easy to him, and monopoly was just easy. He wasn't having fun, he would've if Akaashi were there. The whole time his mind was else where, he was hoping to see Akaashi in his dreams again. But instead he had to watch these drunk, dancing weirdos. Tsukishima wasn't as drunk so he sat there recording Bokuto and Kuroo dancing in their boxers. It was a little funny to Kenma, how alcohol can make everything go away. It didn't effect him though, he could drown himself in liquor but it wouldn't effect him. 

'Pain is everlasting, no amount of anything you put in your system can make it 'go away' that's just naive.' Kenma thought. Bokuto yelled slurred words at Kenma but he just ignored him, making Bokuto pester him more. Kenma pretended to be sleep and it made him go away. 
'Drunk people are so persistent..'
Hinata was a little too drunk, considering the fact that he's never drank before. Kenma grabbed him by the hand and pulled him upstairs to his room, then tucked him and hinata into bed. Kenma knew Tsukishima would watch after them to make sure nothing breaks, so it was fine if they went to sleep.

"K-kEnmA-sAn.." Hinata slurred out.
"Yea.." Kenma quietly replied.
"y-You kNow i wAs kinDa iN lOve wiTh yoU.."
"What?" Kenma said very confused by that last statement.
"CaN i k-KisS yOu?" Hinata asked while climbing on top of Kenma.
"Go to sleep." Kenma said while squinting his eyes.
Hinata leaned down and pecked Kenma on the cheek, then was out like a light.
Kenma lightly blushed at the thought of his Kouhai liking him, but it wasn't the same. He couldn't share the same feelings or have the same conversations, or maybe he just wasn't ready for anyone that wasn't Akaashi. He wasn't mentally prepared for anyone really. This was different though, since he was drunk the kiss meant nothing. If he was sober it would've never happened.

Kenma finally fell asleep but woke up in the middle of the night again. He sat up and let his legs hang at the end of his bed. He sat there for a while, head empty, neighborhood quiet. He thought for a long time before he opened his drawer and reached inside. He knew what was in there, he knew all too well. But he felt like there was nothing here for him, he's not comfortable with friends or family. Dying runs through his head too much, he just wants the voices to be quiet. He just wants some silence. His hand stopped for a second but reached in again until he held it in his hand. He turned around and looked at Hinata, sleeping crazily but comfortable. A tear dripped down his face as he thought of his Kouhai's. He leaned in and ruffled Hinata's hair and planted a small kiss on his forehead. Hinata didn't move or wake up in the slightest, which helped Kenma in a way.

Kenma crouched down and sat criss-crossed on the floor and thought deeply about Akaashi. Memories filled his head, even though he wished it would be empty. He couldn't last another week like this, he cried as his memories with him before he died flushed in his head. He grasped onto his head as he rocked back and forth, he wasn't handling his death well. If anything, he was the only one actually failing to handle it, everyone was able to cope with it. But Kenma couldn't move on. Akaashi was his will, his day, and his main source of happiness. Kenma blamed himself, It's because he wasn't there that day. If he wasn't late that day, he would've seen him one more time. It wasn't his fault, but his mind is too clouded to see that. Suddenly Kenma stopped crying and sat up straight. Only one thing ran through his head in that time.

'You'll see me again when you feel better.'

"I feel better now." Kenma said with a painful smile on his face. He raised his nine millimeter smith & wesson to his temple, tears dropped down his face as he heard the gun cock. He thought this was the best thing for him, he wasn't thinking about anyone else. He felt bad for bokuto, they became best friends in that time frame. But bokuto will always be surrounded by people, it's one of his best qualities. In those seconds he made up his mind.

Then pulled the trigger.

His hair waved in the air as his body dropped to the ground. The shot woke everyone within a 400 ft radius up. Hinata screamed in terror, there was blood on the floor, the walls, the ceiling, and everywhere on him. Bokuto ran upstairs to see what that noise was, and when he opened the door he couldn't believe what he saw. He rushed to the floor to check Kenma's pulse, it was so weak. Hinata was terrified, he quickly got up and ran downstairs. Everyone was up going to ask whoever came down what happened but when they saw Hinata they stopped, he was covered in blood sobbing trying to speak but nothing came out. Tsukishima washed him off in the bathroom while Kageyama called for an ambulance. Kuroo was too scared to go upstairs, but he did so anyway. He slowly walked up the stairs and slowly opened the door. His mind went blank as he saw what was contained in that room. Bokuto was holding Kenma close to him, rocking back and forth. Another one of his bestfriends was gone.

"Please don't go. You can make it, please make it." Bokuto quietly sobbed out.

When the police and ambulance came, the officer was able to tell them that Kenma didn't make it.

"He dipped in and out of consciousness and he was losing so much blood from that one bullet, we couldn't save him in the little time we had. We have to search the house for any weapons, letters, and any evidence we can find to close the case. We're sorry for your loss."

And with those words the boys were a mess, Kenma was gone and Akaashi too. Nobody knew what to do with themselves anymore, and constantly blamed themselves.

As Kenma was losing consciousness he couldn't think of anything or anyone but Akaashi. And it made him smile. He hoped to see Akaashi atleast one more time.






(sorry for a sad ending :( but the last chapter will be more wholesome :) um..I love all of you guys btw. Tysm for 3.9k views! I would've never thought I'd get this far. thanks for almost 200 votes too! Tysm for showing so much love! So, to return the favor the last chapter will have fluff and will be wholesome :] )