Sweet as a Sunflower (akaken)

✲ Chapter 23 ✲

(The song I chose makes this chapter more wholehearted and less sad so, listen :] )
The next morning Kenma woke up In Akaashi's home. He decided to walk there instead, since it's closer. The smaller male walked home with only Keiji on his mind. "it's 3 am and visitors shouldn't stay here so late." He mocked. It was freezing outside, the cold wind swinging in on Kenma's warm cheeks surprised him. "I should've worn more clothes..." He thought.
When he finally reached his destination, he slipped off his shoes and quickly climbed up the stairs with small creaks following behind him. Tonight he didn't feel like playing his game, he just wanted to quickly go to sleep so he could see Akaashi faster. But sleep didn't come so easily to him anymore, he didn't fall asleep until six am. So, when he woke up it was one in the afternoon.

"Why didn't I get up sooner!" he exclaimed as he checked the time on his phone. He scurried around looking for clothes and quickly hopping in the shower. When he got out he quickly brushed his teeth, leaving his gums with a small burning feeling. He threw on a beige long sleeve shirt, a sweater that matched his shirt, a black coat, black jeans, and black vans with a beanie to match them. once he was dressed he grabbed his wallet, phone, keys, and psp. Getting ready took about an hour and ten minutes, leading up to it being 3:02. Kenma rushed out the door, making sure to lock it. He walked to the hospital and arrived there at 3:38. It was about forty degrees outside so he made sure not to stay out the cold too long. 

The nurses greeted him like normal, "Good afternoon Kozume-san." the first nurse said a little coldly, but Kenma didn't notice. He headed upstairs but realized he didn't have any snacks for Akaashi, so he made his way to the nearest vending machine. He picked out a chocolate bar and strawberry yogurt-milk. "This should be good for Keiji.." Kenma murmured to himself.
He walked back up the stairs and made his way to Akaashi's room. When he started to get closer to Akaashi's room, there were nurses and doctors crowded around and then Akaashi was being taken away on a stretcher. He was pale and very thin, his eyes had black circles around them, Kenma never paid attention to these details until now. He rushed over to Akaashi, grabbing his hand hoping to get his attention. "Please make it out, alright? I can't lose you." He managed to sob out before letting go of his hand.

Kenma sat outside Akaashi's room for a while, looking lifeless. Tears streamed down his face but there was no feeling. His vision blurred as his eyes clouded, his head was empty and he just sat there. He sat there until everything rushed back to him in his head. He crashed down on the bench, laying there, crying. He grasped onto his shirt and pulled on his hair, he wasn't handling this very well and the nurses noticed this but decided not to get involved. Kenma couldn't handle this, he's never felt like this before and it was digging deep. He decided that he should just close his eyes.

The next time he woke up, bokuto was sitting in front of him trying to get him up.
"...Kozume? Kozume get up." He said as he lightly shook the smaller figure.
Kenma sat up but said nothing, he couldn't even look at bokuto. "Hey buddy..Akaashi is back...he was in surgery for 4 hours, but he's okay now." He said with a gentle smile, trying to comfort Kenma. After these words were said Kenma's eyes widened, he quickly looked around for his things. "Well I guess I'll leave you two alone." Bokuto said as he made his way downstairs. Kenma quickly opened the door and quietly walked in. Akaashi noticed this and turned his head towards the door. When he realized who his visitor was, he smiled wearily at his lover. He looked tired, and Kenma couldn't say anything to him. All he could do was climb into his bed, so he did.

No one spoke, and no one moved. They both knew what the other was feeling, without communication. Akaashi only had few words to say, so he decided now was a good time. He wasn't one who had a way with words, he was kinda awkward and usually silent. He didn't actually have to say anything to show how he was feeling, but in this moment he felt like he should say a few things.

"Being sad..isn't going to make you better...I feel better now...you'll see me..when you're better again." He managed to say.
Kenma knew what he meant by this, and didn't take it personally. He knew this would happen, but he's still not ready and he never really was.
They lay there for a long time until Kenma realized
Akaashi was dead. He knew this well, but he didn't call anyone or ask for help. He needed to stay with him for a little longer. It hurt seeing him leave, so he needed a little bit of time before they took him away once again. His body quickly became cold but kenma still laid there, tears came down as he thought about everything they did together. He was angry, that his heart was still pumping instead of Akaashi's. He didn't deserve this, he was such a good person and he always thought of others.

Kenma was interrupted by bokuto trying to pull him away from akaashi, trying to bring him back to reality. But he didn't know Kenma wouldn't make it if it wasn't fabricated, Kenma needed something to hide the fact that he's empty without his light and happiness. He has no one to wake up to, no one who understands him more. That's why he needed this, he needed it for a little longer.
"KENMA LET GO! YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!" Bokuto persisted, trying to yank kenma away.
"AAH! LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!" Kenma yelled in tears and frustration, trying to fight his way out of bokuto's grasp. But he couldn't, bokuto was much stronger than him and he couldn't compete with strength like that.

This time Kenma was in his own home. In his bed, alone. He turned his head, hoping to see Akaashi looking back at him. But it was just a pillow, and the other half of an empty bed. He curled up under his blankets and lay there until he fell asleep after a few hours.
In his dream he woke up and Akaashi was sitting at his desk, reading a book with his glasses on. Kenma smiled at this image, he jumped up and hugged Akaashi from behind as they both laughed and enjoyed each others company. And then he woke up, feeling empty and depressed.
Akaashi was gone, and all he could hear were those words he told him.
'...when you're better again.' 
Kenma sat up and held his knees close to his chest as he thought of what Akaashi said.
"I don't wanna feel better."  Kenma sobbed out.

(sorry this chapter was so sad but the next one isn't any better :'( but I hope you guys like my writing. [haven't done this in a long time so] *insert thumbs up) see you tomorrow :)