Lie For Me

t h i r t y - t h r e e

Chapter Thirty-three: Fireflies

  I had been an emotional mess when my name had been called during graduation, and the gym was enveloped in loud cheering.

That was it.

That was the moment I decided what my choice was.

    All of these people I had known since kindergarten were all going in separate directions, and I would most likely never see them again.

But, as happy as I am to be finshed with this hellhole and all of it's hounds, I'm not too happy to be away from these people.

   It was as if in the past three weeks I had been thrust into the real world. Filing paperwork for Rehab, being in the hospital for recovery.

      Decisions were to be made in my life, and I knew that although they seemed like the right ones, they sure as hell don't feel like it.

Just the thoughts were enough to make me tear up as I sat down on my porch next to Axel, but I wouldn't be selfish.

I couldn't be that girl anymore, especially when it came to someone else's future.

     I was the girl who came between two brothers, the girl who's best friend was in love with her.

I was the girl who has had several cases of anorexia.

I was that girl.

      Not the valedictorian, or the girl who excelled at all things sporty and academic, no that was Emma.

       I wasn't the schools slut, whose father was overly abusive when she was younger, and completely at fault for her need for attention, no that was Jenna.

     Neither was I the girl who was super aggressive, but sweet at the same time, and not afraid to stand up for what she believes in, that was Claire.

"Hey, I need to talk to you." I said quietly as I stared out at the fireflies green lights ever so often blinking.

     It's amazing that they find their mates that way, and I wondered just how much easier that might be than going through all of this trouble your entire life, most of us never finding the person made for us.

Maybe we were all to blind to realize that no one is specifically made for us, maybe we all just succumbed to the idea of happiness and possible false hope to give us a reason to keep loving . . . to keep living.

     "What is it?" Axel asked hesitantly, and he visibly tensed as if he was aware he wouldn't like the words that were about to leave my mouth.

He stared me in the eyes as I was blinded by the tears in my eyes threatening to spill over. "Princess . . ."

     That word was all it took for them to spill over, and I attempted to contain myself. "I- We need to stop this Axel, we . . . we can't pretend as if this relationship will last."

     "But, it can if we want it too. Don't do this Sam." He pleaded with me holding my face in between his hands as he used his thumbs to wipe some of the tears away.

"Your moving to New York, and I'll be at Washington state after Rehab, we'll be across the country from each other, Axel it won't work. You deserve to be happy, I'm not going to hold you back from that Axel. Just please we can't do this anymore." I said as I shook with sobbs.

I was breaking my own heart, but I knew it was for the best.

     He pulled away from me slightly, and we both stood up. "If this is what you want I'm not going to force you to stay with me princess, but I will wait for you no matter how far apart we are. I love you." Axel leaned forward resting his forehead against mind as he stared into my eyes.

     It was then I saw the tears in his eyes, and I almost changed my mind, but I remembered a saying.

If you love something you have to let it go, and if it comes back to you than it's meant to be.

     So as we said our goodbyes, and I love yous I prayed that he would come back to me.

I prayed that he was made for me.

This is who I am . . .

I'm the girl who found her first love from a white lie.