Reasons to Live | ✔

Bonus 2: Two Years Later...

I stared at myself in the mirror, carefully and slowly taking my appearance in. My blonde hair was finally long enough to where it had been before, with a small amount of it curled at the end. In a yellow dress with a cute little floral print on it, I found myself actually smiling in the mirror, rather than trying to point out all of my flaws.

Well, except for my light scars that still cover all over my arms. I've learned to love them, finding other ways as an outlet like painting, going on a walk, or indulging in writing.

"Reina, you've developed PTSD, something almost one third of rape victims develop. I am proud that you've decided to finally take the proper steps in getting help. There's nothing to be ashamed of, because you're a warrior. A survivor."

I smiled at Katy's, my therapist, words.

A warrior.

A survivor.

A knocking on the bathroom door jolted me back. "Y-Yeah?"

"You okay in there, Reina?"

I timidly open the door with a smile at the love of my life, the person who had been with me through everything. He was standing in a grey T-shirt and a pair of loose denim jeans, he stared at me, taking me in. His brown hair was swept to one side, his eyes trained on me rather intensely like I would try disappearing into the back of my mind I had done before when my nightmares got bad enough.

There were days where it was so bad, I couldn't find the energy to get up or eat. There were days where opening my eyes hurts and I would have to miss some classes too. Luckily, Calvin was there every step of the day to make sure I was okay. He had created a small safe nook, as he called it, where I could always go there when I needed to take a step back. But through it all, he was always close by, ready to kiss away my nightmares and insecurity when they arose.

Since moving out, I haven't found myself wanting to cut anymore, not liking how pained he looked when he saw it. Rather, my therapist had found other outlets for me when I had to urge. Painting, writing, and going to a park with hot chocolate usually did the trick.

I opened the door wider and gave him a shy smile before finally stepping out. "Sorry, I got a bit sidetracked in there."

"In the bathroom?" he asked teasingly, grinning at me as he bent down so we were eye to eye. "Do I need to open a vent in there for you, angel?"

I huffed in annoyance at his playful nature. "No, not like that. I meant taking in this dress you had gotten me. You really shouldn't have gotten it for me, since you've already given me so much."

That part was true. We were both lucky enough to find a schedule that worked for our hectic university life, work life, and being able to still have the weekend to ourselves. It was nice, being able to work on ourselves together, discovering and growing together. But it still upset me that Calvin refuses to let me pay more than one-third of the rent, saying he can handle it. When I sneak money into his bag when he isn't looking, he'll go spend it on me instead.

He smiled, shrugging. "You did more for me than you'll ever realize, Reina."

I gawked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You must be out of your mind if you think that."

"Do you want to do a twirl for me?" he asked, ignoring my statement. At that, I did a small twirl for him as he smiled. "It fits you."

It had taken me months before I felt comfortable enough to wear a dress of any sort. Calvin and Katy had been there every step of the way, allowing me to work on myself at my own pace. It wasn't like I wore dresses that much anyways, but to finally look at myself in the mirror and not see something I hated was a huge improvement a year in the making. I probably looked ridiculous, wearing a floral and pastel-like dress in the dead of winter on Christmas Day, but I couldn't help it. "I sent a picture to London before and she said it's beautiful."