Reasons to Live | ✔

Chapter 33-

Chapter 33-

It was chilly outside. It was the kind of weather outside that made you want to just lock oneself into their house and never leave again. With temperatures dropping even more since Christmas break started as the cold made unforgivable winds which was enough to make sure no one was willing to step out of the house.

And that's exactly what I did.

I buried myself deeper into the blanket fort I made as I held my yellow mug filled with hot chocolate in my hand. With extra whip cream and marshmallow on top, it was suppose to be my favorite combination but I couldn't help but have my heart pounding in my chest when I recalled who was coming over today.

My ex-boyfriend, Paul.

I was seriously having an internal battle with myself as I stared at the clock ticking on the wall. Even when I managed to block him on every social media that I knew, he was able to reach out to London and told her to tell me that he would be coming today.

December 23.

In order to "straighten" some things out with me.

I couldn't help but be glad that London was upstairs and that she was going to give me some privacy to talk things out with Paul but it didn't make it better that he was that determined in order to talk to me.

I felt my phone vibrating and I looked down to see a text from Joshua, asking me to confirm with the group chat again if we were all hanging out tomorrow together for Christmas Eve. I replied back with a simple yes before realizing Calvin also texted me.

"Watcha doing?"

I rolled my eyes at his question. It was like a religion to him to text me everyday in the morning to ask what I was doing today, almost as if to check up on me. Despite us dating for a good month of so now, it still felt weird to call him my boyfriend since up to that point, we barely even had a conversation.

I blankly stared at the text for a few minutes in silence, battling myself internally on what to text back to him. I couldn't tell him that my ex boyfriend was coming over as he would immediately come running here. I hoped that Paul was going to finish whatever the hell he wanted to talk about and hopefully, he'll be out of my life for good now since I can't even remember what I truly did liked about him. Although he was sweet and nice, I don't think the current me and him would get along at all.

I simply texted back that I was reading a book and clicked send before a knock came. I was very tempted to turn off all the lights in my house and pretend that I wasn't home. I felt my hands trembling already which was worse than this morning when I realized just how badly this could be going down soon.

Taking a huge breath, I set down the mug and got out of the warmed blankets. I made sure to take my time walking to the front door and taking another huge breath.

"Lets get this over with," I told myself before clearing my throat and opening the door to him. When my eyes interlocked with Paul's I felt at a lost. It had been months since I last saw him since he went to NYU in order to study to be a lawyer but it was weird to see him in person since it felt like a century ago.

He was in a light blue button down and light brown khakis with a peacoat jacket. His hair was neatly patted down with gel to one side. His dark black hair was cut in a military style almost and his grey eyes looked determined and soft. The scar on his forehead for when he got it playing football in senior year was still there.

It truly was strange to see him again. I quickly snapped out of my mind and tried to focus my hazy vision on the boy standing in front of me.

"Hi," I said, seeming to have lost all her voice in the past minute at the simple thought of him. My heart didn't go beating wild anymore but looking at him now seemed like I was looking at a old friend.