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Title: Realm of Gristonium, an interesting choice for a title. It indicates that this is a part of a series. I hope I am right. The title gives off the vibes of a fictional world with an air of mystery around it. The title, to me, felt like it implied about the world more than the characters. So I am waiting to see how the story plays out. In conclusion, it was an interesting choice of title for an interesting and mysterious story.
Cover: I loved the cover. Starting from the royal yet modest brown and gold background to the golden sparkles surrounding the girl, who I am pretty sure is Athena. The way she's looking at her hands made me feel the emotions of awe and disbelief that Athena originally felt when she was originally introduced to the fantasy world of Magic. You also have an interesting choice of typography though I personally felt could be a bit better. But again, it's just my choice.
Blurb: Blurb is the window into the story, so it is a mandate to make it as interesting as possible. And I must say you did an amazing job at it. Giving out enough details about the characters yet maintaining a sense of unknown. Revealing what is necessary and holding back to maintain suspense. Good job!
Though I have something I want to say here. The first line. I believe the first line is what attracts or repels readers. As a reader, I wouldn't want my first experience of a book to be something I am not even familiar with. My advice instead of the line The El Vandroffs have two choices- Starve or Kill! You could make it - Starve or Kill! The Mighty beasts, El Vandroffs have only two choices
But again, it's just a suggestion.
Summary -
Realm of Gristonium is a fictional adventurous tale of Athena as she discovers a parallel universe accidentally, one that she belonged to. Having lost her mother and brother at a young age, her father is her world. But her accidental discovery forces her to seperate herself from her father as she is thrusted into a world she knew nothing about. Starting from her struggle to find a way back to her father, her goal changes as she becomes the centre of a master plan to overthrow Gristonium's rule. And the Tiara of the queen holds the key to all the mess. Joined by her cousin and a few friends she made, Athena starts on a quest to save the world she has slowly become a part of.
An interesting an intriguing tale of twists and turns that keep you at the edge of your seat!
Analysis and Evaluation -
Characters: I must say, you have an interesting blend of characters - from mischief to mature, energetic to grumpy, strict to jovial. Beautiful combinations and permutations of characteristics! But I would not be a good reviewer if I don't highlight the point that there was still scope for you to improve in this aspect. You had scope to stress on Aditya and Athena's relationship, basically her character before she's thrust into Gristonium. Or Arjun and Zoren's relationship. Their mindset, upbringing or family in general. About Athena's uncle and the eighth advisor. I mean you did mention tidbits about it but shining more light on their background helps the readers to connect with the characters on a deeper level.
Plot: You were amazing! Honestly, very amazing! Be it the way you mould the flow of the story or the way you depicted the challenges the protagonists faced in their life. Their energy, their struggles and most importantly, their spirit! I loved how you included little by little information all over the story about how the world of Gristonium works instead of dumping it at one place.
Though, there are a few points I'd like to emphasize on: You did not mention Athena's age until the first few chapters. It left me a bit indecisive. I couldn't really connect to her situation until a while. I'd have liked to know about it a bit prior, more for my perspective of her than anything. You went headfirst into the story from the very first chapter. This did not allow you to stress on Athena's family. So when you speak about her longing to return to her father, I couldn't empathise with her wholly. It felt a bit mechanical. Maybe a chapter about her background, her parents and her brother would have been great. A better overview of the political hierarchy of Gristonium would clear a few things, I think. A little bit about who the king is, how many advisors, what they do and such. It might probably come later in the story but will Athena not even question how Gouri fell in love with her father when they are in different worlds and it's forbidden to cross paths. Even if not an answer, just a question.
Sensory Flow: Sensory flow, to me, is a very important part of the story. It plays a huge role in making the readers empathise with the readers. As I said earlier there were a few parts where I couldn't connect to Athena's emotions. Be it her helplessness for not being able to return to the world she knows or her surprise at knowing about another parallel world. The same applies to the other characters too. There were gaps that can be covered by more stress on sensory descriptions and giving a background.
Descriptions and Detailing: This aspect of the story, I have to give it to you. The details were so intricate that I could visualize the things happening. It was astounding!
Grammar, Punctuation and Vocabulary: I must clap my hands for the variety of vocabulary you used. Well, I guess that's the magic of building a fictional world. I didn't even come across any grammatical or vocabulary mistakes. Great work!
Conclusion -
Your story was amazing. Honestly, I loved reading it. The beautiful bond of friendship, which will always stay strong, irrespective of who you are and how you are. The quizzical curiosity brimming in the minds of young souls. The courage and bravery of a warrior. The sense of responsibility towards the world that's our home. A Mesmerizing combination of all things admirable!
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