I can't say I do without you

Kuya Samuel

Since we left the village, I had been peering out the window, watching every building the car would pass by. This is the only way I can keep my tears from falling. The car kept moving until I saw a familiar face, someone we hadn't seen in a long time. "Kuya Samuel?" I mumbled. "Pull over!"

"But, Miss Gemma..."

"Please, Mr. Osiris, I will not break my agreement with the king. I-I found the one I had been seeking for a long time. Let me just talk with him." I begged.

Mr. Osiris nodded. The driver slows down and pulls over to the side of the road. When the car screeched to a halt, I went to where I had seen Kuya Samuel and followed him into the coffee shop.

"Welcome, sir."

"Two café Americanos and one strong coffee."

"Right away, sir."

"Kuya Samuel!" As I called him out, my eyes welled up with tears.

He hears me and turns to face me, astonished, as if he hadn't expected to see me. "Gemma?" he said, cautiously approaching me, but instead of hugging me, he chased me out of the coffee shop. "What the heck, Gemma?"

"Why? Aren't you glad to see me, kuya?" I asked.

"You shouldn't have seen me," he said, his expression devoid of any enthusiasm.

"What exactly do you mean? I've been waiting for you, and if Allerick and Blythe see you, they'll surely jump in..."

"GEMMA!" he exclaimed. "Go away and pretend you don't see me!" He looks at me like he's no longer my older brother, as if he has changed.

"Kuya? What are you saying? You sound as though you're not pleased to see me." I forced myself to laugh. "Do you respond like that when you're excited?"

"I'm not kidding. Do you understand? I didn't show up because I don't want to see you, so don't be stubborn, just leave."

I couldn't stop myself from expressing my rage. After Kuya Samuel had been gone for a few years, that is all he had to say. "How can you say that?! Don't you realize what we're dealing with right now?" I couldn't stop yelling at him in a rage. "Didn't you feel sorry for Papa?!?"

"NO," he said emphatically. "I'm no longer involved in your problem. I'm not a member of the family, Gemma."

I was shocked and said, "You ... dumb selfish after leaving us, that's what you'd say?" I felt furious and couldn't believe what he said.

"What do you think caused me to leave the house? Huh? Because I'm embarrassed..." he exhales shakily. "I'm gay, Gemma, and that's the real reason."

I was surprised by what he said, but that was still not enough reason for him to leave. "So what? Rather than leaving the house, you could have at least told us!"

"Easy for you to say," he said, pointing at me.

"Why didn't you give it a shot? You have no idea how frightened they were when you disappeared; they even blamed themselves, especially papa, Samuel! Each day, he searched for you..." Memory in my mind rushes back to when Papa returned home drenched in the rain, only to find Kuya Samuel, which explains why my tears continued flowing. "Papa often returns home late at night, his body drenched in the rain, to see you. It's hard for you, but don't you know it's much worse for them." I burst into tears.

Kuya Samuel lowered his gaze. "I'm okay with my life, Gemma; I don't have to lie anymore, so don't bother me,"

I let out a shaky sigh. "Okay." After I gave him a piece of paper, I faked a tiny grin. "Blythe and Allerick are expecting you." I turned around. "Please, go home and do not ditch them as I do."