Withering You

Noah

You are the most beautiful girl in my world.  Truth be told, you are my world. Don't cringe now. I wonder if you will cringe. I wonder a lot of things. The most disturbing and embarrassing thought, even to me, is of you dumping Colin and falling in love with me. I know, Colin might be my friend, but I can't stop myself from wondering if we can be something more than just smiles at the corridor.  I want to put out the words I talk to you in my head. In my head you are me. I could be anywhere and I'm still talking to you in my head. I am damaging myself by this habit, with everyday my hope only increases. The hope that you would be mine but then it's always crashing me when I see you with Colin. You deserve more than Colin. I would have told you but then it would make me look like I'm jealous. Which I am. You could be with anyone and I would be jealous.

Even now, you are with your girl friends and that gets me too. You are not your happy self, you look kind of dull but still I'm jealous.  At least they get to sit next to you, smell that sweet scent of yours. It's way harder when they are making you laugh, especially if it's Colin. I want to make you laugh. I want to hold that tiny hand of yours when walking in the corridor. I want  to be your everything like how you are to me.

"Stop staring at her like that, bro," Roy chuckles, taking a seat next to me.

"I was just-"

"Memorizing how she looks? Appreciating her beauty? Thinking how to break her love for Colin?" Roy interrupts me, listing things randomly.

I pull my eyes off you to look at Roy.

"She doesn't love Colin," I state the fact.

The crowd goes wild, cheering. I look at the field. Our school was playing football against the neighbouring school. Colin had scored a goal, I instantly looked at you to see how you had reacted. It was pleasing to see you weren't jumping up like the other girls. Somewhere inside me my hope grew a little more. Maybe you weren't as interested in Colin like other girls.  Then why are you still with him?

"Wow, man, look at Colin's muscles." Roy sometimes knows how exactly to stir me up.

"Didn't know you preferred men," I want to get back at Roy even if it's a low blow.

"Colin is going to get Ava, you like it or not."

"Remind me again, are you my friend or his?" I ask, returning my eyes back to you.
You were doing your hair. I stopped breathing. I can see your stomach as your shirt is lifted. I need to look away from you but I can't. I'm not a pervert, it's just you.

"Noah, we are threesome. It's always dudes before girls, nah?" Roy was talking animatedly, eating his chips.

Your small breasts were lifted up, your backbone in an arch. I wanted to bury my nose on your soft shirt.

"Besides, Colin is trying hard to get at her. Guess what I had just done?"

I give out a sigh. Roy doesn't seriously understand about being mesmerized, I'm wholly mesmerized by you and he keeps disturbing. I look away from you at Roy.

"What did you do?" I ask, folding my arms.

He says something but the music gets louder and I couldn't hear what he was saying. I shake my head. He came closer. I move back knowing what might come out.

"Colin gave me a note asking me to slip it in her locker when she's not around," Roy spits out crisps while he talks. Just what I was expecting.

"Note? What note?" I frown in confusion.

"Oh, you know, those love notes," Roy gestures around like it's supposed to be a known fact.

"What are we? In fourth grade?" I give out a snort. Stupid Colin. What even is he doing with notes?

Roy leans in closer as if he is about to say a secret and doesn't want anyone to eavesdrop. "Girls love those old school things. Apparently Colin believes sending notes will get him under Ava's pants."

I squint my eyes at Colin on the field. He is making me cringe. I wonder what you saw in him. What attracted you to him? What did I lack?

"Did you read what's in the note?" I ask, wanting to know.

You are good at words. Our monthly school magazines don't go out to print without your words in it. If Colin is sending you notes, they should probably be the equivalent of something like Shakespeare's to impress you.

"Bro, what do you think of me?" Roy says, shaking his head but he had his lips pressed together in a pout. He was trying hard not to smile. I wanted to facepalm.

"You suck at lying, Roy,"

The crowd goes wild again and I quickly steal a look at you. You were just staring ahead. You weren't cheering for anyone.

"Am I that obvious?" Roy laughs, spraying out more crisps.

"I want to know, tell me," I take his chips away from him to get his concentration.

"Give it back- oh god- it was nothing, okay? About roses and violets and fairies."

I give out a laugh, handing Roy back his chips.

"You sure it wasn't anything that would impress Ava?" I ask just to reassure myself.
Those flower rhymes will not get at you. You deserve diamonds and stars not words scribbled from a kid's rhyme.

"Chill out, Noah. Chances are she might dump him after reading that shit," Roy gives out a roaring laugh, spraying more crisps on my face. I don't bother wiping them down cause I'm busy smiling in glee.