Withering You

Noah

"Girls are hard to understand," says Roy and I give him a look.

"Okay, maybe the letter was way too romantic that she might have cried?" says Roy.

"That roses and violets shit got her crying?" I break my knuckles and think. Maybe something happened and you were crying before the letter? I couldn't see your face properly till you had turned to look at me.

"I'm skipping my lunch here. Do you seem to care?" He huffs out a breath. I couldn't help but smile. I had my lunch with me but we are strictly advised not to eat in the library.

"You go then. I just wanted to know. I'll go see Ava," I get up from my seat. Whatever I felt before seemed stupid. I want to see you. I was too stupid to have let you go alone on the first place.

I was stopped when Roy placed a hand on my wrist, "You know you won't get her. Why don't you just get over her?"

I shrug my hand away from Roy's grip. He won't understand you. Even Colin doesn't see you beyond your body. But what I see is more than that. I walk away from Roy carrying my lunch.

What I see is the cute you when you stand on your tiptoes to see the principal during assembly. What I see is the depth in your words. I have a cutout of everything you have written. What I see is the real you. The you that cannot be easily destroyed by anything physical.
Maybe we'll never be an us but that's okay. The you in me can never be destroyed.
I wonder if hope is everything we can never have. No matter how I convince myself I have this thread of hope that you'd see me for what I really am.

I stop when I see you under the tree, writing on your book. I lean against the wall. What are you writing? Don't you run out of words? I smile. Obviously you are not me, I run out of words simply as I see you.
Sometimes I want you to look up at me. See me seeing you. But you hardly ever look up from your book.

* * *

The next day you were a wreck. You looked like you hardly had any sleep. Colin was saying something to you and you were flinching. It looked to me like you were scared of him. What was he saying?

Is he scaring you? First the letter and now this? Why are you letting him do this?

I walked up hastily to your side. Colin gave me a death stare.

"Is something wrong?" I ask. I wanted to touch you, give you some comfort but I was scared. Of Colin. He is huge. I'm meek.

"None of your business, Noah," growled Colin.

You didn't even look up at me. I was looking at you for a sign. Something, even a look would have been enough to tell me that Colin was troubling you. I received nothing from you. I step away nodding at Colin.

I would have fought for you though I would have been the one to turn into a pulp. Colin can be a friend but I know his depth. He doesn't like to be told wrong. Maybe you guys were having those relationship problems which would eventually smooth out by time.

I walk away from you with my head down. Roy gives a pat on my shoulder as if that's going to help. I shrug his hand off my shoulder. Whatever he said was right. I will never have you.

With every day that passed you were like a withering flower. It's like you were losing your petals one by one. You don't even smile at me when you walk past me in the corridor. I saw you mostly with Colin or the other way, I saw him mostly with you. Couples are supposed to be together but you guys weren't this close before. And you didn't even fake to look happy around him. Is he the one behind your gloominess?

Whatever it is, I'm waiting for it to pass. It really hurts to see you like this. You need to pick yourself up. It breaks me everytime I see you. I'm not sure what's wrong. A family problem? I've heard your mother suffers from cancer. Is it that which is making you dull? I would help. I don't know how but you can tell me.

It's worse watching you during break. You only write, yes, but I don't know. This is not you. You have lost all your light. Everything is seeping out of you. Is it a girl phase? We've studied that girls can get pretty moody during these times. Maybe tomorrow you will be alright.

I catch Roy signalling me to come out from my hiding spot. I shake my head but he signals me again. I give him the finger. He doesn't stop, he gestures vigorously with his hand for me to come to him. I sigh. Sometimes I think Roy works harder to get me away from you. I get up from my hiding place before giving you one last look. You were deeply engrossed in writing your book.

"What do you want?" I hiss out my question.

"You seem pissed" He steps away from me.

"I'm not. What do you want?"

I needed to get back to you. Next you had english and I wouldn't be able to see you till math.

"Colin has written another note, he is going to hide it inside her english book," says Roy.

I frown, deep in thought. Colin shares english with you. It would be easy for him to slip a note in.

"Did you read it?"

"No, he is saying I'm too weak to get it done neatly. I think the two are having some trouble. He said it's an apology letter."

"Seriously? Can't he just send a message or something?"

He is trying hard to get you. But surely you weren't the girl to fall for notes and roses.
The bell rings. You will be heading to your english class.

"We share math next period, I'll check how she is then," I say and Roy gives me a fist bump before leaving.

What I don't understand is why Colin is so into you. He was never like that, when he found a girl hard to get, he easily moved on to the next. What with all the girls in a line waiting to be his next.

I feel crushed at the thought of how hard a pull he has on you that you are left gloomy all week. In other words, you care about him and you don't want to lose him, is that really so? I sigh. I really don't want that to be the case.