Withering You

Noah

I look up from your book when I hear the doorbell ring. I sigh. I contemplate on continuing your book, whoever it is would go away but the bell rings again. I stand up. I put your book on the table. Being engrossed in your book, it was too heavy to moved. I was seeing your letters as I move. I am still in your world as I open the door. Roy. The one who was following you around. I feel goosebumps as I remember your words. The joy I had felt. It wasn't me you were calling a horny shit. It was Roy. Damn Roy.

"Hey, man. Can I come in?" Roy asks. He was well dressed. Nonchalantly, I check behind him to see if Colin is with him. No, he is not. Maybe he is hiding behind a bush. Stop thinking like that, Noah.

"Yeah, sure," I step away to let him in. Don't think of me wrong, Ava. I would have slammed the door on his face but we should be calm here. We should act before thinking. Detective much?

"I had attended Ava's funeral," Roy says casually as he walks to the kitchen. I'm out of the world for a moment. I had forgotten. It came down in such force again, I'm lost. You are no more. There's nothing physical of you left. I gulp. 
In the entry I had last read, you have mentioned how you were having suicidal thoughts. How you wanted to live someone else's life. All of it just broke me, Ava. How shallow are we? We couldn't see your pain.  We just took you for your beautiful face. Even I saw you for nothing more than your body. 

I hear Roy rummaging in the kitchen. Mom wouldn't like her kitchen messed up, I should go and check. But I can't, Ava. I'm strongly overcome by this memory. The memory of the first time I saw you like that. Like an angel. We studied together from kindergarten but I didn't have butterflies in my stomach till I saw you on that day. The day we had a class party. We were just in the bloom of teenagehood, the years when our hormones are raging. That is when I saw you properly. I remember starring at you with my mouth slightly open. I remember feeling cold in the warm weather. I remember staring at you without blinking for I didn't want to miss a thing. I didn't want to miss you.

You were gorgeous Ava. You were dressed in a white frock. Your curves were just appearing but damn, Ava, it was enough. You looked full. You looked like that white flower, soft petals with a strong fragrance. I wanted to touch you, smell you. Hold you tight. You stole my breath. I'm not exaggerating. That moment I only saw you. You were like a storm, tearing a sane me to pieces I still can't find. Slowly tears run down my cheek. I feel all of the pain I had bottled come out.

"Noah," Roy calls from the kitchen. It breaks my head off you. I quickly wipe my cheeks on my shoulders. I don't want to look a mess in front of our possible enemy. I smile. Did I just think of Roy as an enemy? He couldn't have done it Ava. No. I'm not supporting Roy nor am I taking sides with Colin. But I have known Roy before you. He does hurtful stuff to people but kill someone? No. I don't know Ava. I'm not sure what he is capable of.

"Yeah, what's it?," I ask, making my way to the kitchen.  Roy was drinking a diet coke.

"Didn't you eat anything? You haven't cooked anything, nah?" Roy asks and I sink into one of the tall chairs, still feeling a little lost.

"I ate cereal," I lied. I didn't feel hungry.

"You are not going to ask me what happened there?" Roy asks, taking a seat next to me.

"I know what happens at funerals," I reply.

I want to ask him why he is here? Did Colin send him? But I don't. I feel it would ruin our friendship. Again don't judge me here, Ava, but I just can't see him as a killer because the image of him in tiny boxers jumping into a pool with a lopsided smile is strongly imprinted in my mind. It is hard to replace that image.

"Thought you'd be interested to know," Roy sips his coke loudly.  It irritates me. 

"Funerals don't interest me, Roy. What am I a zombie or something?"

Roy gives me a look before breaking into a smile. 

"Fine. Wanna play fortnite?" Roy wasn't looking for a reply. He was standing already. I give out a quiet sigh.  We would play for hours, I won't be able to read your book anytime soon.