Withering You

Noah

I sit by the window, drinking my early morning coffee. I usually wonder if you like coffee. I wonder a lot of things, even as to how you would react if you tasted my coffee. What sucks is that I only ever got to wonder things about you. From the beginning, probably till my death, all I will be doing is wonder. I won't know for a fact if you like something or not. But I'm not complaining, I'm fine wondering about you rather than being completely deprived of you. Mom walks in and drops a kiss on my forehead.

"How was the party last night?" She asks as she packs breakfast for her and dad. My heart picks up speed, remembering. The woman.

"Boring," I reply.

"Laura called," mom says. The cup almost slips off my grip.

"Why is that?" I try to sound calm.

"Said she is bringing in a treat for her birthday in the afternoon. Will you be around?"

I can't lie. She knows I go nowhere other than school after your death. And today is Saturday. I put my cup on the table.

"Sure, I will be around."

* * *

My phone rings. I look away from the television at my phone. It's Roy. I mute the call and go back to watching the television. I've got used to it. Roy calling and me ignoring it. I can't blame you wholly for it but I can't go back in smoothly with him after what he had done. I can't forgive him. He called you a whore. How can I forget that? Your book has been burnt but your words haven't died down in me. I remember every word like the back of my hand.

I did try to contact Jason but to no avail. He wasn't using his usual contact number anymore nor was he online on facebook. I'm dumb to think that he has no contact with his friends. They just don't show it out.

And then Sebastian. I tried looking for him covertly but  couldn't find him. I was stuck. I'm still stuck with finding your murderer.  I don't want to think about it. Everything frustrates me. I don't want to acknowledge the fact that you were murdered. It's better this way. It's better talking to you like this than torture myself of the truth. 

As a means to avoid the truth, I stopped talking to Roy and Colin.  I don't need them. I have you. I'm fine with only you.

I hear a car pull up. Roy? Can't be him because he knows I won't let him in. Probably Laura. I stand up and let out a deep breath. Tell me, Ava, she hasn't brought that friend of hers with her, right?

I run my hand through my hair to smooth it down as I wait for the bell to ring. The bell rings. I count to ten before I walk to the door to open it. I shouldn't seem like I was waiting for her arrival. It was Laura.

"Hey," I say with a smile.

"You left my party without telling me. If it wasn't for Saige-," Laura turns to point at the woman who was getting out of the car. My heart does the unmistakable flutters. Laura continues, "-I would have been worried. I would have called the cops. You didn't even call me-"

"Leave the boy alone," says Saige, the woman who was smoking like a chimney. The same woman who ridiculed me on the balcony. Laura huffs out a breath.

"He is my brother. I can do as I please," Laura says as she pushes me out of the way to get in, "is aunt and uncle home. They told me not to expect them."

"No," I breathe out a reply. I doubt she even heard me. I am feeling hot. I stand by the door awkwardly. Saige had her head inside the car. She was probably getting the treats mom mentioned. I should just go in, this woman had laughed at me. I'll have my dignity before this stupid heart feeling like it had lost all oxygen.

I hear Saige grunt out, "Can you give me a hand without just standing there?"

I stumble down the steps with my wobbly legs. She was bent and I tried not to look but her blue t-shirt was riding up. Her golden brown skin was visible. I'm strongly hit by a feeling of déjà vu. It's you I feel. The time I saw you at a football match. You were doing your hair. My heart picks up speed. I gulp. This woman is not you.

"Here," Saige says as she straightens up and hands me a tray wrapped in foil paper, "take it in."

I nod trying not to pull a face at the smell of cigarettes wafting off her. I take the tray from her without her fingers touching mine. If she noticed my extra precautions, she made sure not to show it out. She locks the car and follows me in.

I place the tray on our dining table. Laura was already seated on one of the chairs.

"Don't finish all of it," Laura says gesturing at the tray. I would have given her a witty reply if it wasn't for Saige looking at me with her disturbing eyes. I feel like cockroaches running under my skin. 

"We are heading north. Our Saige here has planned a surprise for me. You wanna join us?"

"No. I have homework," I lie, avoiding Saige's eyes.

"Yeah. I forgot you are still a kid," Laura gives a laugh, not noticing the friction mounting up.

"Leave the boy alone, Lau," Saige says, taking a seat next to Laura. I feel stupid. I should have asked her to sit down. Where are my manners?

"From when did you start supporting him?"

"I'll support anyone if it's against you," she says with a smile before adding, "or to save them from you."

"You make me sound like a witch in front of my little brother," Laura says with a fake pout.

It was stupid of me to just stand there and stare at them both so I muster up my courage and ask, "Do you need anything to drink?"

"Nah, we have to go. Laura?" Saige nudges Laura.

"Yeah, kid. We don't have time for drinks," Laura gets up and walks towards me. I cringe openly knowing what will come next. Saige laughs. It's a different one from the one at the balcony. I couldn't stop noticing. 

"Aw, look at him," Laura pinches my cheek before pulling me in for a hug, "wish your sister a happy birthday, dumb."

I wish her as she let's go of me. I watch as Saige gets up. Is she going to pinch my cheeks too?

She walks towards me. My heart does the usual dancing it does.  She does look older, around twenty. But I didn't mean it age wise, she looks older by the way she carries herself. Like everything is weighing her down. She is not you, Ava. She has thick eyebrows, yours were thin. She is built, you were frail. Her lips are full but chipped with smoking, yours were thin and smooth. And when she wraps her arms around me in a hug, I know for a million diamonds that she is not you.