Withering You

Noah

I'm back in my room. I cried. I scrolled down all the pictures of you on my phone. I couldn't get enough of you. I never can. I cried again. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. The day was painful. All I can see is that tree with yellow tapes. I try hard not to but I see you hanging in that tree in a white dress. That Colin planted the image in my head by taking me to the lake. He seemed lost, Ava. He seemed like me. Broken. He wants to know if someone is behind this.

Colin was the one who dropped me home. I was tempted to tell him about what I had heard mom tell dad about your death but thought it would cause trouble. Especially to mom. I am not being selfish here. I will surely find out. I don't trust Colin though. If he is the one then he might work out of his way to cover up other evidence. Evidence?
We have nothing for evidence.

I am not a big fan of those crime thriller movies but I have read books. We should start jotting down things. Details. Names of people who potentially can be your murderer. The places you visited. Talk to everyone you spoke with in the last few days. Try to find out if you have said anything to them. And then those letters. That letter you crushed and threw inside your locker. It would still be inside your locker. They would start clearing up your locker. We need to get to your locker quickly. I should go to school tomorrow. I would have to first get to the office to get your locker's combination. I am not sure if they would willingly give me that.

I get up and start packing for tomorrow. I throw in my small screwdriver, a pocket knife. Don't ask, I may need it though it would get confiscated if someone finds out. I'll worry about that later. What else do I need? Truth be told, Ava. I am scared. I don't have the nerves. I don't want to find myself in trouble. Don't think of me as a coward. I am trying. I won't let you down. I have no idea where to look. How to start.
I look around my room. I would need help. Roy. I'll talk to Roy. I grab my phone and start dialing Roy.

He picks up on the second ring, "You only remember me now?"

"We need to talk Roy," I say, walking around my room frantically.

I hear someone knocking on my room door. I freeze. It must be dad. We hadn't spoken yet properly.

"I'll get back to you soon," I whispered into my phone. I hear Roy yell something but I end the call. Out of habit I look around my room to check if anything is out in a suspicious way. I am just nervous. I kick my bag out of the way and open the door.

"Hey, son. Took you so long. Hiding a girl?" Dad steps in, trying to lift the mood. I give him a small smile. He sits on the bed and pats the space next to him. I struggle not to cry as I sink into the bed next to him.

"How are you doing?"

"Not good, dad."

"You remember the girl I said I had a crush on?"

I smile, "You had crushes on many girls dad."

"Yeah, don't say that out loud, your mother has ears all over this place."

I give out my first laugh in a long day.

"There was this girl in college. She had diabetes. I was head over heels in love with her. Don't tell mom."

I nod. My eyes were welling up.

"She had a non healing ulcer. It causes severe damages to tissues and bones. You should have learnt about it, yeah?"

I keep nodding.

"The doctors amputated her toes. It was painful. She knew it wouldn't last."

Dad's eyes were welling up, too. It's true isn't it, Ava? Love hasn't left anyone out.

"She wanted me to go out. Hang out with others. Communicate and make friends. I had no world in college without her. And she knew that very well. Soon they had to amputate her leg. She was in a wheelchair. She didn't want me to keep pushing her my whole life. That's what she said Noah. My whole life, like she had hoped that she would make it till I die."

Dad clears his throat, trying to gather his emotions. It was comforting in a different way to know that there was a girl like you in his life.

"She never gave up. She was in a lot of pain but she wouldn't show it out to me. She knows that would hurt me. She was one of those stunning women I had the luck to meet" Dad gives a sigh.

"She got infected. It was very bad. She couldn't hold it in anymore that she took an overdose of her sleeping pills. That night I was with her. I didn't know she had taken an overdose. She was very happy that night. She made me laugh a lot. Early in the morning the nurse found the bottle empty. We tried to wake her up. She never did."

I reach out and take dad's hand in mine. He presses tight.

"After she was gone, I blamed myself hard. It was torture. I was thinking of what ifs. I thought it was me. Maybe I should have tried harder to comfort her. I should have been there for her. I should have tried harder. I thought there was no way out but things passed too. Eventually the pain was melting away. It took me more than a year. It was slow, yes, but I found your mom. She is the love of my life now. Whatever it is Noah, don't blame yourself. This too shall pass."