Withering You

Noah

Your words keep sounding in my head as I make my way to the office. I couldn't continue your book after I had read that entry. I couldn't understand, you were in so much pain. I felt your pain. Your words were reaching out and suffocation me. I had to put your book away and climb onto bed. My eyes had burnt as hot tears started to run down my cheeks. It hurts, Ava. What hurts most is the fact that you didn't see me. You didn't notice my existence. You didn't feel my love for you. You didn't see me for what I am.

I can't blame you wholly. I didn't know you were feeling like that. You were surrounded by people all the time and yet you were feeling lonely. You sounded lonely. How I have mistook you for your smiles. I keep thinking how it would have been different if I had intervened but there's no one to blame like dad says. This pain of you will fade away, I just need to stay patient. I wonder how long you are going to take me as your prey.

I tap on the office door. I open the door when I hear a muffled, "Come in."

"Good morning. How may I help you, Mr-?" asks Ms Sarah, the school secretary. She is quite famous for forgetting names. I walk in and close the door behind me.

"I'm Noah. My friend sent me to ask for his schedule as he had lost it," I said out the words I had practiced beforehand. I hope Ms Sarah doesn't know this Sebastian guy. I had wanted to double check if Sebastian is taking your english class and my poor brain could only muster up this idea. This little stunt alone has got my heart soaring and hands sweating. She leans back into her chair.

"Ask him to come."

"He is attending Ava's funeral today," I say. I'm proud of me to have it all figured out. The whole school has planned to attend your funeral. Except me. Her face turns soft, as just as I expected.

"What did you say your friend's name is?" she pulls her keyboard close. I try not to bounce foot to foot in joy.

"Sebastian. His name is Sebastian,"

She types in her keyboard and frowns, "Surname please."

I freeze. I didn't think of that. I look around the place. Oh god. What would Sebastian have for a surname?

"There is no Sebastian in here," she looks up at me and I gulp, "unless your friend is studying in year six," Ms Sarah's frown deepens. I can feel my blood turn warm.

I back track to the door, "Sorry. I might have made a mistake. I was out of my head all morning." I open the door.

"Wait a moment please," Ms Sarah gets up from her seat.

"I feel sick. I'll be back soon. Thank- I mean sorry for wasting your time," I dart out of the room quickly and head to class. Shit. Tell me she forgot my name.

* * *

I felt hot throughout the day. I was expecting Ms Sarah to appear in my class and bombard me with questions. Classes weren't there usual, everything had slowed down. You slowed it down with your funeral. It's like a black shadow had fallen over our school.

Roy tried to pull me up for conversation. I answer back coolly. I didn't want to look too edgy to them. It's better keeping them blind. I would see Colin stealing looks at us. This is terrible, Ava. They seem to be acting guiltily to me.

My head is building up with thoughts, especially thinking of who Sebastian is.

I had waited outside your english class and asked a random person if there was anyone called Sebastian taking the class. The answer was something I had already known, a no, but I had wanted to check. Sebastian. This guy, from where did you find him?