Withering You

The Book

Not every thought gets said or written. I have written articles that have never been published, with over four thousand words yet I don't feel I have done justice to my thoughts. I try. I scribble down words as quickly as they pop up in my mind but something just doesn't flow well. I keep rereading my words, they never felt enough to me. I never had the confidence to showcase my work because when I read the words it makes me feel stupid. My words don't make any sense to me.

Sebastian says I'll get around it. I don't think so. With the finals getting closer I need to finish my detailed summary on Othello by Shakespeare. It is easy. But everyone is on it. Usually there was no competition with the same book. The whole class is writing a damn summary and I'm still holding my pen on a blank page. I should have been done. I should have been like Stella, flipping my hair and checking my nails because I should have been fucking done by now but I have not. It's a mess.

Sebastian is asking for more money. I am not plucking them from a tree. Oh god, I can't fuck it up this time. I've gone with this plan for so long and right now this fucking Sebastian has decided to destroy my reputation in school. He may be the one writing all my essays and articles but I pay him. He should do as I say, not demand me for more money. I could have pulled something up but I know it wouldn't match anything with the others. It would be a kick in the butt if I fail in this summary.

And on top of it all, the cherry on my disgusting cake is Colin. He is everything about sex. Like what even?  He probably has STDs with all that sleeping he does behind my back. Guy thinks I'm blind not to see him cheating. They all fucking think I'm a cute, obedient girl. Especially his friend, doesn't take his eyes off me. God, these boys are horny shits. I am not sure how to cut him out straight. To be specific all of Colin's friends keep eyeing me up. Colin would probably prepare a ten page report on how was sex with Ava to all his friends after he is done with me. That would probably inch up his fame in school. Argh, whatever. He is such a whatever. I could have dumped him without a care in this world but he knows. He knows about someone writing for me. He knows I'm cheating. He is fucking threatening me that he would tell everyone about that. It's not just about, leave the embarrassment that would come with the truth. The school would expel me. Sebastian wouldn't like it. Colin might not know it is Sebastian who is writing for me but his name would surely come out. Sebastian would demand more. And it would break my parents. Mom's already suffering cancer, this would hurt her more. Everyone would look down on me. Colin is a pain. I have never killed anyone but this stupid Colin is tempting me to. I would love showing him what it is like to be scared. I am scared of him and he is a nothing. A literal nothing.

Maybe I can ask him to take me to a hotel room. He would have other ideas but I can plan out a smooth way to kill him. I'm being stupid now. He is not worth all that trouble but really I don't know how to get him off my shoulders. And I think he might have told one of his friends. He keeps giving me looks that's downright creepy.

I don't feel right though. I feel I'm watched. It's a strong intuition that somethings going wrong. I have fucking no idea. It's frustrating the shit out of me. I need to calm down. I need Sebastian right now. I have to talk to him before the bell. Before anyone sees. Maybe I can give him my ring. It's only gold plated but that will be enough a payment for him for Othello and the next three articles that's due soon.