Teach Me - Brollins

29.

Rebecca woke up and reached out for Colby but he was nowhere to be found, he was in bed when they went to sleep hours ago. She waited for a few minutes to see if he would come back from wherever he was, when he didn't she knew she had to go search for him.

She didn't have to look far to find him, sitting in Cali's room, on the bed as he flipped through pages in the black binder of Heather's letters

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly and he looked up at her
"Trying to figure out if any of these letters have any advice on how I'm supposed to handle this.." He shrugged "Do you think she wrote one called "What to do if you hate your dad and blame him for everything?" Like.. I know she thought of everything but that is one I have yet to find" he said and Rebecca moved to sit next to him
"She didn't write it because its not true" she shook her head and he stared at her in silence "I'm serious" she nodded "Cali does not hate you.. is she mad at you? Is she mad at me? Yes, but she doesn't hate us" she shook her head "That was the whole point of sending her to Nancy's, so she could calm down and realize that she's not mad at us.. she is mad at the situation"
"WE caused the situation" he looked at her and she nodded "Talk your way out of that one.." He said
"We did cause the situation we are in but I wouldn't change it.. for anything in the world. If she's going to be mad at us for a few days" she shrugged "So be it.. She'll get over it and she will be fine. We knew this was going to happen eventually.. somehow whether it came from me or a surrogate or adoption.. she wasn't going to be an only child forever and we knew she wasn't going to take it well no matter how it happened"
"I didn't expect her to scream and yell and be so mad about it" he shook his head
"I think she's just scared.. she's scared that something might happen to me which it won't" she shook her head "but I think she's more scared at the fact that she is your world"
"What does that mean?"
"It means she's your whole life, she is your world and it has just been the two of you for so long until I came along and she learned how to share you with me but now having a new sibling she's scared that she's going to share you with another person.. You're gonna have to split your heart three ways and I think that's scary"
"My sole focus for so long has been her and now it's going to be two kids.. How am I supposed to love another one as much as I love her?" He looked at her and she could see the slight fear in his eyes, he was scared that he wouldn't be able to feel the same way about the new baby as he did about Cali
"Did you ever think you would love someone as much as you loved Heather?"
"No" he shook his head
"And what happened to change that?"
"I met you" he nodded "I met you and I realized that I still loved Heather just as much as I ever had but my love for you made my heart grow bigger to fit it all" he nodded and she smiled slightly
"So cheesy" she shook her head with a small laugh "but that's the point.. You never thought you could love someone as much as you loved Heather and then you met me.. you don't think you can love another child as much as you love Cali.. but just wait until you meet this one" she placed a hand on her abdomen
"How? How the fuck do you always do that?" He questioned "You always manage to make me feel better about anything.."
"As your almost wife.." She smiled "That is my job"