Strawberries and Cigarettes || Haechan

🚬 24 🚬

2 years ago

"What do you think happens after you die?"

That night, Shani lay in her bed, Asahi's voice ringing over and over in her ears. Her pillow was soaked in tears but she couldn't stop them from falling.

She knew it. She expected it. She was prepared for it.

But still. You could never greet goodbye as an old friend.

At the sound of the phone ringing around 4:30 AM, the cries she's been holding back left her throat.

He's gone.

The door to her room burst open, her mother standing there with the phone in hand "Shani-"

"No. Get out. I don't want to hear it." She sat up, staring blankly at the wall. Tears continued to flow. It hurts so much she felt numb.

"Won't you see him? He's probably waiting for you."

"Why does it have to be Asahi?" Her blank gaze landed at her mom "It could be anyone else...why does it have to be Asahi?! Why!!! Life is so unfair! Why!!!"

Mrs. Jeon felt her heart break into pieces and she couldn't help but to cry as she held her daughter in her arms.

"Asahi is in a good place now."

"But he left without me...."

"Shhh. It's okay baby. You will get through this. You'll be okay..."

"Mom..." She cried in her mother's arms. Her heartbreaking cries echoing in her room "Mom...Mom, it hurts. I will never see him again. I will never hear his voice or hold his hands ever again. It hurts so bad mom. It hurts."

"Shhh...Didn't you promise him? You'll never cry."

But he promised her too. That he'll never leave...yet he's gone. Forever.

***

"It was his death anniversary. That morning, I suddenly got the feeling to go up here." She look down at her shoes, not wanting Haechan to see her cry "He likes hanging out in the rooftop. He said it makes him feel free. Makes him want to fly....and that idiot really did fly. And now he's never coming down."

"Shani, I didn't—"

"It's ok. That morning when we met, I was lighting up a candle for him. Wishing he's looking down at me. Wanting to tell him I was happy and I don't miss him. But I do. Everyday...I miss Asahi." She closed her eyes, forcing a playful laugh "I really got the feeling he wanted me to come up here in the rooftop. Maybe he wanted me to meet you."

Haechan shrug "Maybe he was giving you a warning. Run away Shani. As far as you can."

"If that's the case then I'm such an idiot." Shani wipe her tears, looking up at his side profile "I don't think I could ever run away from you."

For the first time, Haechan didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to react or if he should even look at her.

For the first time, even though he wasn't touching her, he felt closer to her.

But after feeling lonely and empty for a very long time, suddenly experiencing warmth and familiarity feels scary. He didn't know what to do.

"How did he...you know...."

Shani gulped down the bitter taste in her mouth "Brain tumor. He went through a surgery and poof....gone just like that. I think he knew. We all knew....that's why he didn't want me next to him during the operation."

"I'm sorry...." he mumbled, feeling his heart getting heavier. She's always been so tough. Always fighting and helping others...she never showed that she was hurting too.

Somehow, it made Haechan hate himself. Why wasn't he as strong as her?

Shani seems to sense his deep thoughts. She nudged his shoulder playfully, forcing a smile.

"Wow~ today must be my lucky day. Almighty Donghyuck said sorry twice!"

He smiled at her "Don't get comfy with me."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"I will do the complete opposite. I will get comfy with you." She stick closer to him, snuggling against his arms.

He playfully push her head away with his finger "You smell like alcohol."

"You smell like cigarettes."

"Tsk!"

"Donghyuck-ah..."

"Hmm?"

"Lee Donghyuck."

"Yes?"

"Our situations might be different...but I want you to trust me when I say I understand. I understand you Lee Donghyuck.

One day, we won't have to smile like we're about to cry."