Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 18

Warning: R-18

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"Fuck," he cursed again in between kisses. And I guess that was a yes.

I squared his face and angled my head to kiss him more. Tears of relief ready to fall from the sides of my eyes. He pulled me closer as I dominated and invaded his lips with my tongue. He gladly submitted.

I was damn happy that even when he didn't really say yes, he used his kisses to give me an answer.

Earlier, I realized that it should be him who decides. Mas mahal niya ako at pagtapos ng nangyari, mas may karapatan siyang magdesisyon ngayon. At tatanggapin ko iyon ng buong puso.

All the time that I thought I was buying us some time to get tired of each other became a fucking joke. We were falling in more than actually falling out. I am disappointed in myself for only having realized it after our fight.

Kaya ko siya tinanong. Dahil sa hinaba haba ng pag-iisip na ginawa ko, dito kami napunta. I don't wanna think anymore. Ayoko nang dagdagan yung disappointment at regret kung papakawalan ko siya. I am surrendering now. Like how he submitted himself to me.

I know it's selfish to still want him after what happened and after trying to push him away just because I was hurt. Deep down, I knew I would never be at peace pretending to be okay with him like how I planned to. So I asked him to decide. I want to know if he'd still take me. Because, like me, he would also not be fine with that. Pareho kaming sasabog at uulit lamang ang prosesong tinahak namin.

My lips trembled as I tried to stop the tears from falling. I let out a whimper and he immediately stopped. Our lips made a sound when we parted. Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin nang magtama ang pareho naming namumulang mga mata. I was gripping on his leather jacket so I could feel the fast beating of his heart. Nanlabo lalo ang patingin ko.

"I'm sorry," I croaked. Alam niya na agad ang tinutukoy ko. He stared at me as he caressed my cheek and waist. Pain crossed his eyes quickly before he nodded and pulled me to his neck. My tears didn't let me stop them anymore.

I quietly sobbed and I felt him patting my shoulder for comfort. As if telling me that it's okay... when it's not.

"Just," he sighed. "Just please, if we have a problem, calm down first and listen, alright? I will understand, my love." Marahan niyang inangat ang ulo ko mula sa leeg niya. My troubled yet apologetic eyes met his forgiving and reassuring browns. Ngumiti siya habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko. "I will always understand."

Nakaramdam ako ng kurot sa aking dibdib. My tears continued to roll as I nodded. Nakita ko rin ang pamamasa ng mga mata niya but he's trying to suppress it. He sighed and chuckled.

"Sa 'yo lang ako. Tahan na, mahal ko." Marahan niyang sabi pagkatapos ay ginawaran ako ng mabababaw na halik. It was so soft that it made me calm down. He kissed my upper lip, then my lower lip before sucking it so gently.

"I love you."

He pulled away with his lips parted. Bahagya siyang gulat habang tinititigan ako na para bang hindi siya sigurado sa narinig. I felt my cheeks heated and I looked away. Inabala ko ang sarili sa pag-aayos ng lukot sa kanyang itim na T-shirt at jacket habang patuloy ang pagtitig niya sa 'kin. My heart was beating like crazy. Kabadong kabado ako sa mga titig niya.

He breathed in slowly when he recovered. Hinuli niya ang mga kamay ko't dinala 'yon sa kanyang labi upang halikan. I bit my lower lip, now looking directly at him. His bloodshot eyes started to water once again. Nahahawa na naman ako ngunit hinayaan ko lang.