Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 1

I got to do things my own way, darling
Will you ever let me,
Will you ever respect me? No
Do things my own way, darling
You should just let me
Why you ain't ever let me grow?
-
Consideration by Rihanna, SZA

***

I spent the last days of school doing and passing requirements. Sabi ko nga noon, nauna pa ang yearend party at practice ng graduation kaysa sa last week ng school year.

As for now, isa na lang ang ipapasa kong paper at pwede na akong magpahinga.

"Dionne!" Napahinto ako sa pagpu-proofread nang marinig ang boses ng kasalukuyang boyfriend na si Sky.

Ngumiti ako nang hinalikan niya ang ulo ko bago umupo sa tabi ko. He put his arm around my shoulder and gently tapped it while looking at my paper. "Is this your last?"

Tumango lamang ako at bumalik sa pagbabasa. Binawi niya naman ang kamay at humalukipkip sa paghihintay. I sighed.

Sky Quezon wasn't one of the many admirers I have before. He was my classmate in junior high school. In fact, he's quite famous for being part of the soccer team. We don't really talk in class. Until one day of this school year, we became partners in a project.

He was cool. He didn't show signs that he liked me, but I'd be lying if I said we didn't flirt through that project. According to him, hindi niya ako gusto. He just wants someone beside him. So, I went for it.

Iyon din naman talaga ang gusto ko.

I like the idea of having someone, but not romantically inclined. Ayoko ng totoo 'coz there's no such thing as love. Kaya hanggang laro lang ako. Ayoko ng clingy dahil hindi ako ganon. Ang gusto ko lang ay may pupuna ng mga pangangailangan ko. Gusto ko lang magkaroon ng taong 'di naman talaga ako kailangan.

Kaya pinatulan ko si Sky.

He wasn't like the boys who pursue me for things. Hindi siya clingy. Hindi rin nagseselos. Nandyan lang kapag kailangan ng girlfriend na ipagmamayabang at kailangan ng kahalikan. He was clear of his intentions.

You see, I was serious when I said that I don't just date. Pinag-iisipan ko rin.

Pero... kung tatanungin kung bakit ako napabuntong hininga?

"You went out with your guys last night?" He said, sounding like he's starting a fight.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagbabasa at hindi pinansin ang sinabi niya. I just wanna fucking get this school year done. Pero hindi niya ako hinayaang magbasa lang.

"Hindi ka na naman sasagot?" Hawak niya ang papel ko at halos mapairap nalang nang makitang nalukot iyon. "Didn't I tell you not to go with them anymore?" Mariin niyang sabi.

Napabuntong hininga ako. I'm so fucking tired of this argument! "You did, but I won't miss a single gig just to nurse your jealous ass." I stood up but he immediately pulled me back. Pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga estudyante sa cafeteria at mas lalo lang akong nainis.

We were working fine until one day he acted like all of this is real. He started to get jealous. He started to meddle with my decisions. He started to meddle with my band schedules. He started to become clingy. He started to force me to have sex with him. But I didn't take shit. In this relationship, I'm the goddamn boss. I don't take orders from a boy like him.

"I am your boyfriend! You're supposed to obey my rules and be a fucking good girlfriend—"

"I am being a good girlfriend, Sky. Now, stop with your nonsense 'coz you seem to forget our set-up. You're not supposed to touch the parts which do not concern you." Mahina ngunit may diin kong sabi. Marami na ang nanonood samin at ayokong marinig nila ang usapan.