Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 34

Ang dami nang nangyari sa 'tin,
Ba't ngayon mo lang naramdaman na 'di ka na mapakali?
Ang mga oras ay marami, ba't nung masaya na 'ko
Doon mo lang naisip magsabi
Na bibitaw ka na
-
Balikan by Kuatro Kantos

***

The only motive that I could think of is that the person likes Eros. It was obvious because I was the one receiving the texts. They could be obsessed with him and hearing all the rumors about us getting married after graduation, posibleng natrigger siya at nakagawa ng ganitong bagay.

And I can't believe that I'm being threatened with a thing that's normal for couples, only that it was filmed without our consent! The fact that someone out there has a fucking recording of our naked bodies hasn't even sunk in to me! It was all too much to process. The moment I saw the screenshot, ang una kong inisip ay kung paano ko aaksyunan ang sitwasyon.

And I couldn't even go and sue the person behind it because Eros will know!

I'm scared.

I don't want him to know because it was my fault. I couldn't risk it. Ayokong sabihin sa kanya dahil ayaw kong mapunta sa puntong sisisihin niya ako sa nangyari.

Hindi ko rin kayang makipaghiwalay... hindi pwede. Hindi ko kakayanin.

Kaya naman binalewala ko ang utos na makipaghiwalay sa kanya at sinubukang bakasin ang sender. I wasn't supposed to be in Dekada, but I went there first thing in the morning. Halos hindi ko matignan ang couch kung saan namin ginawa ni Eros iyon.

Guilt rushed in my veins once again. Our friends didn't know. They hang out here, sit on the couch not knowing what we did there. I felt guilty. This place is where we found our dreams coming true. But I tainted it. Did something that would put an end to it too.

Gusto kong maiyak ngunit hindi ko kayang ibigay sa sarili ang pagkakataong iyon. I left Eros at home without telling him where I'd go, so I have to go home as fast as possible.

I dislike viewing screenshots from the damn video, but I have to navigate where the camera was placed basing from the angle. Kumakalabog ang puso ko nang mahanap ang lugar. I walked towards Eros' extra drum set at the corner of the room. Yung palaging inuupuan at pinagpapraktisan ni Justin at Valen.

But the camera or any trace of the person wasn't there anymore.

Napasalo ako sa sentido habang nakaluhod sa harap no'n. How would I even notice that there was a camera installed here?! Halos hindi napapansin ang drum set na ito! It was placed next to Eros' main drums and he rarely even uses it!

Desperado na ako nang halughugin muli ang parteng iyon ng studio ngunit nabigo lang ako. My phone rings to Eros' call from time to time too but I couldn't answer it. I felt guilty, over and over.

Isang oras akong naroon. I searched every corner of the studio for a possible trace. Paulit ulit lamang akong nabigo.

In the end, I left. My eyes were watering as I stood in front of the security department's door. Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa cellphone na siyang tanging ebidensya ko at iniisip pa kung kaya ko bang ipagkatiwala sa iba ang nilalaman no'n.

The texts and the photos were vulgar. I didn't want others to see it because I was so anxious. Eros and I's naked bodies were there. Alam kong hindi ito ang oras para mag-inarte, pero katawan ko iyon! Katawan ni Eros! Having that damn video invalidates and harass our rights to our own bodies!

Eros was the only one I've shown my body to, and now there's another person who has seen it! Being confident about my body doesn't even change the fact that I was robbed of my rights! Ako lang dapat ang may karapatang mamili kung sino ang papakitaan ko! What's worst is that hindi lang hubad na katawan ang nakita ng kung sino mang gumagawa nito sa akin! That person saw what's supposed to stay in between Eros and I only!