Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 9

Ain't it good to be on your own?
Ain't it fun you can't count on no one?
Ain't it fun
Living in the real world?
-
Aint it Fun by Paramore

***

"Why do you wanna include yourself in the choices? We're just friends."

Nakahalukipkip ako habang hinihintay siyang matapos magbayad ng binili niya. Minamata ko rin ang babaeng cashier na maya't maya ang tingin dito kahit may iba pang nakapilang customer.

I unconsciously rolled my eyes at her. Kung nagtatrabaho siya nang maayos at hindi patingin tingin sa kung sino, edi sana hindi mahaba ang pila sa counter niya! Ang dami pa namang process bago magbayad.

Si Eros nga sinubukan pa kanina ang snare na bibilhin. Ngayon ay pumipirma na siya sa cashier.

Hindi naman nakakainip pero...

Why the fuck am I even ranting about this? Hindi naman ako nainip. I actually enjoyed shopping, what the hell am I even stressing about. Kung meron mang naiinip dito ay si Kachi 'yon.

Nang balingan ako ni Eros ay nakanguso at bahagyang nakakunot ang noo nito. I almost forgot what I said, but then he shrugged. He looked away and answered.

"I don't really see myself with anyone. Malay natin gano'n ka rin in the future. If that ever happens and you wanna marry still, then I'm your best choice."

My eyebrows furrowed. He sounded so sure that I felt another wave of unexplainable feeling in my chest. He's fucking implying that he's willing to be my partner for a damn lifetime!

What if hindi ko nga mahanap ang para sa 'kin habang kasal na lahat ng friends namin? What if he suddenly sees himself with anyone before I even find mine? Paano ako...

Fuck it.

"Let's stop talking about marriage. We just got out of highschool for damn's sake. 'Tsaka you sound so sure na ikaw ang best choice. Tss," inirapan ko siya ngunit nginitian niya lang ako.

He carried the box of his new snare drum and stood in front of me. With that damn cocky grin that I have mixed feelings about.

"And you sound unsure that I'm not, Psyche."

Fuck.

Naiwan akong tulala matapos niya akong titigan nang malapitan. I thought he was gonna kiss me but he just fucking teased me. I know how to play, but it's different with him.

Sa kanya, ako yung nabobother. Sa kanya, ako yung napipikon. Sa kanya, ako yung naiiwang nag-iisip. Sa kanya, ako yung 'di mapakali. Sa kanya, ako yung tanginang natatakot mahulog.

I didn't lie when I said that he's messing with my head.

He was okay with us making out before. He fucking went bubbles on me when I said that we're just friends. We took the long road before finally talking it out. We settled to just be platonic as fuck. Now, he talks about marriage and how he's willing to marry me if we don't find the right ones for us.

Fuck. I'm not pressured. I'm just scared of the possibilities that we'd actually end up with each other. In marriage, plain, without love, because we just see each other as friends and ruin everything for us all.

I don't wanna lose him that way. I don't wanna lose Justin and Valentine that way.

Pero ayoko ring isara ang sarili sa mga gano'ng posibilidad. I've thought about this before, me ending up with Eros, though I don't really like him romantically right now. Para sa 'kin, mas mabuti nang alam ko ito sa sarili ko kaya kung hanggang saan kakayanin, pipigilan ko. I'm open for the idea of it, but I'll resist as much as I could. Kung sakali.