Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 11

It feels like I only go backwards, baby
Every part of me says, "Go ahead"
I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again
Feels like we only go backwards, darling
-
Feels Like We Only Go Backwards by Tame Impala

***

My life has been fucking crazy.

In pre-school, I had my yaya do all guardian stuff. Enrollment, parent-teacher assembly, graduation, dentist appointments, monthly check-up, she did it all with me.

In elementary, she's still with me. And Justin as well. I learned that I have a talent in singing. I also got my first ever trip to the discipline office, but I easily got away with that. On my second, my family name didn't work like it did before anymore. That way, I got my first ever suspension for locking the boy who was making fun of my parents being annulled in the forbidden stair area of our building. It was said to be haunted that's why we're not allowed to use it, but I locked him there during the entire afternoon classes anyway. Janitor ang nakahanap sa kanya and the rest is history.

In highschool, my mother pulled my yaya out of my home. I did everything alone since then. But that's also where Justin and I met Eros and Valen. We were classmates but they knew me from that incident where I locked a bastard up in the haunted stair area. They thought I was cool and that's where we became friends. Until eventually, bandmates.

I really didn't have someone with me before them. I know a lot of people but I don't consider them as friends. Unlike the three who have friends outside our little circle.

Even in Senior Highschool, no one dared to befriend me because of that incident in elementary. All I had were flings. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. I don't need a lot of friends because I think they're too much to handle at nasanay na rin ako sa tatlo. I am already contented with the fact that our circle is their main friends. Sa akin sila bumabalik.

"Damn, ang init naman!" Reklamo ko.

We're already on the road at talagang pinanindigang isuot ang red jumpsuit. We look like a cult or something.

"Should've brought an umbrella," Eros joked while adjusting the aircon to my way.

Inirapan ko siya at hinubad ang pang-itaas ng jumpsuit, revealing my black fitted sando. Eros' lips protruded while scanning my body. Tinali ko naman ang sleeves sa aking beywang para 'di ito malaglag kapag tumayo ako.

"Kapag may nakita kang market, bili muna tayo ng damit. I didn't bring clothes." He said to Justin who's driving.

Tumango ito at bumalik sa pakikipag-usap kay Valen na nasa passenger's seat.

Malapit na kaming makalabas ng Northridge. Mapapansin iyon dahil unti unti nang nagsishift ang view from buildings to mountains sa labas ng bintana.

"Dionne, come here." Valen suddenly called. I was holding my phone kaya naman nang dumungaw ako sa harap ay isang kamay lang ang gamit kong pangkapit. Eros gripped the side of my jumpsuit to support me at napairap na lang ako nang makita ang poster ko na nakadikit din sa windshield.

"Look," Valen showed me his phone. Nandon ang picture ni Calyx Vasquez sa Instagram at nakalagay ang West Side bilang location. "Dito nga pala lumipat sila Calyx. Should we visit them?"

"No." Eros scoffed. Hinatak niya na ako pabalik sa 'king upuan habang minamata ako nang matalim. He even rested his hand on my thigh like I'm his territory or whatever.

Right. Nag-away nga pala kami tungkol kay Calyx.

Humalukipkip ako nang lumingon sa 'min si Valen.