Goodbye Lullaby (COMPLETED)

Chapter 26

I'm me, I'm God
I'm everything
I'm my own reason why I sing
And so are you, are you understanding?
-
SUPERPOSITION by Daniel Caesar

***

"What's your plan for Christmas, queen?"

Nangunot ang noo ko nang tanungin iyon ni Justin habang nakastand by kami sa waiting room. I was sitting on the couch and he was laying down, making my legs his pillow. Nagcecellphone siya kanina habang ako nama'y pinapanood ang pag-eespadahan ni Valen at Eros gamit ang drumsticks.

"You know I don't celebrate Christmas," I said, eventually laughing at how Valentine smacked my boyfriend on his head.

"What about New Year's Eve?"

Hmm.

I looked down at Justin and squinted my eyes at him. "That, too. Why are you asking?"

And then it hit me. Hindi na nga pala ako mag-isa ngayon. I have Eros, who's now cursing Valentine with his heart out. Am I supposed to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with him from now on?

I cleared my throat.

"Well, there's this yearend celebration with the whole Villegas clan. Tito Michael's inviting you to go..." maingat niyang sabi, kahit sa simula pa lang ay nangunot na ang noo ko. Was that supposed to matter to me? I thought. But then he said the second sentence.

What the fuck...

The unexplainable fear I have when my parents try to do even the bare minimum in fixing our relationship came back to me. When it comes to that matter, my mind shuts down. I don't know how to react. Should I be happy? Should I feel scared? Should I let my guards down?

You see, I'm not used to getting my parents' attention. Simula pa man nang mamulat ako sa mundo, hindi ko na nakuha 'yon. Sanay na 'kong kailanman ay hindi ko makukuha 'yon. Kaya kapag nandyan sila, hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Tatanggapin ko ba, o tatanggihan ko?

But, of course, I always choose the one where I was used to. Sa mag-isa ako at hindi nila nagagambala.

"You can think about it, D." Justin spoke again. "But you can decline if you really don't want to come. I'm for your comfort, of course. You're my queen so I love you."

I hid my bitterness in a low chuckle, but he was staring into my eyes like he damn knew. Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at sinimangutan niya naman ako.

"Say something sweet to me, too! Damn it." Another attempt to mask his 'fake' care for me just like old times. "That's how the greek goderfucker fell in love with you?"

Kahit may kumukurot sa dibdib ay natawa na ako nang tuluyan. "What do you want me to reply to that, huh? I love you, too?" I said in a disgusted tone, riding to his attempt of lightening up the conversation.

"Really? You still need instructions? Can't belive we're cousins, man. You need workshop," then he yelled Eros' name.

"What?" Lumapit ito nang makitang sinabunutan ko ang tumawag sa kanya. Hawak ni Justin ang kamay ko habang nakangiwi sa sakit. Eros tried to remove my hand on his hair, too.

"Fuck, your girlfriend's brutal! You fell for that?"

I smiled sweetly at him. Pinakawalan ko na at humirit pa? "Wimp! If I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be born related to you!"

Umupo si Eros sa pagitan naming dalawa habang si Valentine ay tumatawa habang nakikinig sa asaran. Justin successfully distracted me because the topic earlier strayed far from my mind after that.