Love/Hate

Comfort.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!"

I groan.

"Huh?"

Siobhan is standing above me.

"Come on wake up! I've got news!"

She exclaims.

"Coming!"

I pull myself out of bed.

We went shopping a few days after I arrived at Siobhan's house.

It feels amazing to have your own set of clothes.

I put on a white blouse that is a few sizes too big.

It feels really comfortable.

I like big clothes.

I wear my own pair of jeans, the girl in the store told us that they are called skinny jeans.

I find Siobhan in the kitchen sipping her tea.

"You want one too?"

She gestures to her cup of tea.

I get my mug from the cupboard.

She fills the mug with hot liquid.

I put milk and sugar in it.

Siobhan says that English people drink their teas like that.

"And what are the big news?"

I take a sip of my tea. The hot liquid moving down my throat.

"My brother Gregory's friend works for the Gardai,"

Seeing my confused reaction Siobhan quickly adds "the Irish police. Well Robert, the friend, checked with a few sources. You were born to Maura O'Brien. She died shortly after your birth. Your maternal grandmother raised you in Galway. Which also explains your accent. She died when you were 17. After that there are no records in the database. Robert assumes you went to the States illegally and stayed here until now."

"I came to America and than was directly captured by Luca and the mob."

I finish.

My life story seems rather sad.

I try to imagine my Grandmother but there is nothing.

A hole pitch of nothingness. 

"What now?"

I ask.

Siobhan looks up from her cup of tea.

"You stay here of course Cassidy. My Kieran asked me to take care of you initially. But you've become like a daughter for me."

This woman is an angel.

An angel sent from heaven.

I start crying.

Siobhan stands up and embraces me.

Her comfort and love are enough.

I then realize that even though Kieran caused me so much hurt.

He also comforted me.

I want Kieran to return.

Return to his mother.

Return to his life.

And maybe also to me.