Love/Hate

Decisions.

I feel like I've laid in the same spot for years.

I don't have any power to move.

My whole being feels weak.

After everything I've heard my world is shattered.

But.

I always knew that he was a part of this.

Why am I so shocked?

I think I only thought his role was barely responsible.

But what he told me.

He plays such big part in this.

And he is just only now regretting it.

He took so much from me.

My past.

My now.

I'm never gonna be normal.

I will always life in constant fear.

Scared.

What if the world outside is even scarier than here?

He said he'll help me.

But how can I trust somebody like him?

The rational part would be to trust him and believe his words.

And then.

What then?

The second I'm outside.

I'm gonna.

I'm gonna leave him behind.

Close that chapter.

And never look back.

I'm gonna forget all about him.

Tell my heart to cut it out.

The parts he inhabits.

These feelings are too much.

Too much to bear.

And too much of reminders of the past I want to forget.

The dream!

The dream I dream occasionally.

It is a part of my memories.

A silent reminder on how I got here.

I don't know if I can look at him the same way again.

Before it was just the assumption of him being part of it.

And now it's clear.

He is part of this.

And he will be.

Guess I will have to trust him.

I've decisions to make. 

Changes.

A future is waiting for me. 

Although my past was taken.

My future belongs to me.

And no one can't take it away.

Not even him.