Summer with swayLA

Part 2 chapter 30

A month has passed. (Italics are flashbacks) tw in this chapter too.

It got worse before It got better that's for sure. I kept getting those nightmares again and so I was booked in to my therapist more than once a week. It scared Bryce I could tell, pulling me out of those dreams for me to either breakdown or have and anxiety attack. I could tell by the look in his eyes and the look he would give me throughout the day. He was worried about me, about everything I do.

He shouldn't have to, I've told him but that didn't help much he just insisted I never say it again.

Savannah-"you don't have to sit around with me all day"
Bryce-"yeah but I want to"
Savannah-"no you should be out their...partying doing what you love"
Bryce-"I also love spending time with you"
Savannah-"Bryce you don't have to worry about me. Stay with me. You can go. Honestly. And if it's best, promise me you will leave me, if it's hurting you please leave"
Bryce-"savannah. Don't say that. Please... I am worried but I'm also proud. Insanely proud. I wouldn't leave you savannah cause I need you. Your keeping me together I would be lost without you. I'm not hurting your healing me. I was hurting when you were gone.

He then pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.

Bryce-"don't leave me."
Savannah-"I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you" I said with tears spilling down my cheek.
Bryce-"I love you too" he said wiping under my eyes and gently kissing my forehead.

Then about mid week I was back on the floor in my bathroom crying and well...

I couldn't stop and I couldn't tell the boys I was just lost. I didn't know what to do or who to speak to. It was hard for me.

I lay on my bathroom floor after doing it taking in deep breaths that's when I heard someone in my room.

Savannah-"shit!" I mumbled sitting up. I heard a knock on my door and could tell it was ant.

Anthony-"savannah you okay in their?!"
Savannah-"mhm fine" I said looking around for a place to hide the blade.
Anthony-"you sure you don't sound fine?"
Savannah-"ant I'm fine!" I said now putting it under some towels.
Anthony-"savannah I'm coming in"
Savannah-"no ant don't!"
Anthony-"5..."

I frantically washed my wrists and arms trying not to wince as I quickly as I could before Anthony came into the room.

As I heard the handle begin to go i turned around hands behind my back. I gulped down as he swung open the door and looked at me in the middle of the room.

Anthony-"what's going on?" His puzzled expression scanned the room then back to my face.
Anthony-"you've been crying?"
Savannah-"yeah but it's nothing honestly"
Anthony-"don't lie to me how can I help you if you lie to me."
Savannah-"I'm not! I just remembered something that upset me... I'm fine now"
Anthony-"promise?" He said extending his arm with his pinky out.
Savannah-"promise" I responded doing the same before realising my sleeves were rolled up.

I saw his face drop and become pale at the sight and his eyes glossed over.

Anthony-"savvy..."
Savannah-"ant I'm soo sorry... I. Well-"
Anthony-"sav why" he mumbled pulling me into his chest. I could feel his tear drops begin to fall and land on my shoulder and head.

I had done the one think I didn't want to do. Upset the boys.

I had been going to the doctors often about that too now. I hurt the boys In a different way. They weren't upset with me they weren't angry they were just hurt. Hurt I didn't come to them. Hurt I had done it. I don't know but I do know it was affecting them too.

I had been seeing different people and had been checked in and out of places to check that I hadn't infected any of them. It was tough yeah. I was going to therapy then the doctors and being watched like a hawk.

In the end I flipped. I couldn't do it. I flipped at the doctors who were just doing their jobs. I flipped at my therapist who was used to it but not from me and then I flipped at the boys. I regret that one the most. They were just worried but I flipped at them all and in the end we all came to an agreement cause I couldn't be watched over like this much longer. They agreed they would lay of if I promised to come to them if I felt or thought I needed to do it again.

This worked for about two weeks. Then I couldn't take all of the pressure. Except this time it was different.

I was laying on my bathroom floor breathing heavily as I was holding the blade lightly in my hand. I traced the line only lightly pressing it then I stopped. I looked up at myself and couldn't do it.

Savannah-"Bryce?! Anthony?! Kio?! Jaden?! Josh?!" I shouted down the hallway taking breaths before placing the blade down beside me.
Savannah-"Quinton?! Griffin?! Blake?! Noah?!" I shouted again.

I could hear footsteps coming forward and I gulped down as jaden opened the door.

Jaden-"sav.." he said coming down to my level and hugging me.
Savannah-"I erm.. I went to do it... I traced it but didn't fully do it Jae I swear"
Jaden-"it's okay I believe you" he said holding me tightly as if I'm about to disappear.

Bryce was next in the room taking me from jadens arms and peppering small kisses all over my face. Anthony was in within two seconds now checking me and thanking jaden.

It didn't take long until they were all their. Some left quicker than others and told me they were always here and would always try and help.

Savannah-"I failed you guys" I whispered to the remains boys, Bryce, Anthony, josh, jaden and Quinton.
Quinton-"no you didn't!"
Josh-"you did the right thing"
Anthony-"plus sometimes you need the bad to get into the good"
Jaden-"you thought about it and lowered your hand but before you actually fully went through with it you called for us"
Bryce-"you did amazing baby. You did the right thing in the end and that's all that matters"