Anime One-Shots!

[11] Broken & Sorry

{{{ WARNING: DEPRESSING CONTENT BC IM NOT DOING SO WELL.... I'm sorry }}}

"She finally broke." I heard Kirstein say. I felt liquid running down my face and I knew I was crying, but I kept a strong face as I walked past the division.

I slowly walked past everyone, they resumed their work and play. I slipped away around the corner and pushed against the wood of the cabin.

I began to cry aloud, but covered my mouth as they became too loud. I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Amaterasu-" I looked up and through my blurred eyes saw my smart blonde. "A-Are you okay?" I just nodded and buried my face in my knees. "It doesn't look like you are, what's the matter?"

"Nothing." I said through my tears.

"Come on, tell me. I'm right here and my lips are sealed." He sat down next to me and I took a deep breath.

"All I am is another statistic." I growled and took a shaky breath. "No ones gonna care because we're never gonna win. Too many die to save us."

"I know, but one day... We will defeat the titans." I just looked at him dumbfound.

"For a smart guy, you're stupid." I said and he just shook his head.

"Honestly... I do believe that. We have to because if we didn't... What would we have?"

"Even more of an overcrowded wall." He just looked at me.

"You're so negative, Amaterasu. There's no need." He said and then his hand reached up and wiped away a stray tear. "So why the tears?"

"No one likes me." I said, he began chuckling and I just crossed my arms. "I'm serious." I said and bit my lip, a few tears trickling out.

"I'm sorry. It's just, it's not true." I looked at him weird.

"And how's it 'not true'?"

"I like you." I just rolled my eyes but I knew that he was telling the truth.

Armin's too honest to lie.

"Well, that makes me feel a bit better." I said and he just smiled.

"I'm glad, I don't like seeing you sad."

"Armin!" I heard Eren call and he just stood.

"Sorry, I gotta go." He said quickly. "I'll find you after." He leaned down, pecked my lips and then quickly left.

I sat there for a moment, shocked an paralyzed.

Can love outweigh sadness? Outweigh hate?

... No.

He's just their puppet. He's their dog. He'll never be mine.

And with that I marched into my dorm, grabbed the hidden rope I've been saving after the contemplations and began to make a noose.

I pulled out my note and put it on my bed. Then tied it to a rafter.

As soon as it was secure, I kicked the chair out from underneath me, my neck tight, my lungs not getting enough air.

I felt life slip away, but I didn't fear it.

I didn't fear it because I chose this.

But my last thought.... It was about that blonde boy that's so bright and so kind.

Armin...

I just hope I wouldn't hurt him too bad.

XXX

Amaterasu's Suicide Note:

Dear Whoever It May Concern,
I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. Strong enough soldier, strong enough person. I'm sorry I didn't fit in. I'm sorry I just wasn't good enough.
This was the only way I could see myself going... I had to go by my hands, not the Titans or by the hands of another human being.
I am Amaterasu, I am the light, the brightest star, the moon, the howling wolf. I am everything now, but at the same time... I am nothing.
Please thank Armin, for he is the only reason I stayed alive for this long... I loved him.

This is goodbye~