Mairi Prompts

a distance away

Mattia glanced at his best friend, Kairi, who was causally leaning against the bed frame tapping away on his phone. The sun beamed through the window which was basking Kairi in a beautiful glow.

They were so close but so far away.

Mattia chewed on his bottom lip as he scrolled through his phone aimlessly, he wanted to say something to the other boy, he wanted to pour out his feelings but he couldn't. No, he wouldn't. It was a pointless attempt to engage in a romantic relationship. He knew this but god, wasn't it hard.

No matter what, when they were alone, they were always doing something flirtatious. Jokes, compliments, the touching.

Kairi was selective in the way he treated Mattia. Kairi acted differently. He always had the younger boy at an arms length but when they were alone the other teen would be in Mattia's space. He would be touching his cheek, rubbing circles into his wrist, holding him close or leaving trails of kisses along his neck.

And Mattia? He loved it.

He would lean into the touches, push himself against the older teen, craving for more time to be like this with him.

Kairi, well, Kairi didn't care for him that way. He knows this. He's seen the disgruntled look when Mattia would whisper softly, "I like you", and move on as if he never heard those three little words. Mattia would let him, it was his fault for messing with their 'relationship'. It was nothing romantic, he had to remind himself that.

Nothing romantic. Simply physical.

He would remind himself this daily. He would remind himself this when Kairi would be curled up against him, whispering sweet words, pressing quick kisses against his lip. It became too much. Too much love, too much feelings, too much of being around Kairi that he had to stop it all. He had to crush his heart. He had to contain himself and his feelings for the older boy otherwise Kairi would leave him.

Kairi never loved him.

Kairi can't love him. He would push Mattia away when the other boy was too close. Laugh at the jokes his friends made. Poke at Mattia. Flirt with other girls around him. He didn't love Mattia but Mattia was okay with it.

He would do anything for Kairi even if it came at the expense of himself. How could he not? Kairi's smile and laughter was worth it all. To see the other boy happy left him warm—left him content.

Kairi smiled at him from across the room and Mattia's breath caught in his throat at the sight.

"Hey," he whispered, "I need to talk to you."

"Yeah?" Mattia mumbled, arching an eyebrow at the older boy, "What's up?"

"I've come to realize something."

"Okay?"

"I, I do like you. A lot. Actually."

Mattia pursed his lips as he stared at the other boy. His eyebrows furrowed together as he tried to process the information being told to him; he thought he'd be happy, relieved, maybe. Yet, he felt nothing at the information. No emotions flooded him.

"You like me?" He repeated, staring blankly at Kairi, "I don't believe you."

Kairi inhaled sharply, he felt his chest tighten at those words, "I do, though."

"I don't believe you, Kairi." A pause, "but I'll stay."

Kairi swallowed his saliva as his mouth suddenly felt dry as he watched Mattia's expressionless face. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He fucked up. He watched as the one good thing turned away from, back to his phone, and scrolled aimlessly.

It was his fault.

It was a crushing realization. It was his fault he messed up what they had. He had been cold, he treated Mattia harshly, he neglected the boy's emotions. Told himself that Mattia wasn't what he wanted; he was only using him to get rid of his urges of affection. Yet, he found himself reciprocating the feelings Mattia had for him. He was too late. Too slow.

"Mattia?" He choked out, "Do you even still like me?"

Mattia lazily looked over at Kairi, "I don't know."

Kairi felt the world shatter around him.