Mairi Prompts

depression episodes ⚠️trigger warning⚠️

Depression: A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.

Mattia stared at the definition with a furrow between his eyebrows.

The definition was so bland.

The definition compared to nothing when you're the one going through it.

Mattia had woken up that day and he knew.

He knew that his body wouldn't want to leave the bed, that despite the fact he had plans for the day he wouldn't follow through with them, that it would take him hours to even get out of his bed.

So, he laid there.

His phone barely capturing his attention; it buzzed so much it aggravated him so he turned the device off. It disconnected him from the world.

He laid there.

He laid there when his body grew tired of laying there.

He laid there when tears leaked from his eyes and no sounds came out.

He laid there as the world moved on.

Yeah, maybe, he should seek help. He knew he should but he couldn't do it. He was scared of asking for it, scared of the labels, scared that people would view him a different way. He knew he wasn't the only one struggling with things. He had everything to be happy for. He had a good life, amazing friends, he was gifted with supporters who adored him. Yes, he had a good life.

So, why?

Mattia choked back the sob and let out a shaky sigh.

The day had went by slowly, time ticking, the sun shining before it was shadowed with the clouds closing in and the sun going down. The way the afternoon light shined in his room.

He hadn't eaten.
He felt no hunger.
He simply felt tired.

Tired.

He felt so tired of everything. Hell, he hated the word 'tired' but it was the only description that came close to what he felt. He felt tired of the way his bones ached to move from his fetal position despite not wanting to. Tired of the way his thoughts rang in his head. Tired of how he felt frustrated from feeling so empty.

He was tired of it all.

He knew he should post something; to let everyone know he was happy and alive. That he simply was just doing whatever  everyone expected him to be doing; to follow the same routine he grew exhausted of.

It's okay. He'd be fine by morning.

Mattia didn't hear the sound of the window sliding open as he was too busy in his own head. However, he felt a familiar dip in the mattress. He felt gentle fingers card through his hair as they pulled and coaxed knots from his hair due to neglect from this morning.

Only one person knew about his episodes; well, knew him enough to know something was wrong.

"Kairi.."  He rasped,
letting one eye open to see the other boy sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Hey, bubs. Is it a rough day today?" The other asked gently.

Silence was the only answer he received yet it was enough to confirm his suspicion and so Kairi talked. He talked about his day, his sister, his mom, everything and nothing at the same time. It filled the silence and forced Mattia to listen which allowed him to stop thinking just to hear his best friend talk.

Yes, everything in the world bothered him during these times but Kairi felt like an exception. He was an exception. He didn't ask him anything. He didn't nag at him like his Mom did; calling him lazy. He didn't irritate him like everything did. He didn't hurt him like his thoughts did.

No, Kairi lets him be. He lets him cry, lets him curl into the other, he allows Mattia the release he needed even if it was to simply lay there despite how disgusting and ugly he felt.

Yes, tomorrow he'd be fine.