Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

you broke me first

Stassis POV
"Mom?" I barely whispered.
"Oh my Cosette! Oh mon dieu!" She said.

Was I hallucinating again? My real mom died when I was 12. She looked just like me. Her hair was curly and a shade lighter than mine but we had the same eyes. We were both exhausted.
She would have been a bit taller than me but I had heels on so I had an inch on her.
"Maman." I said in French.

She was wearing a pair of black trousers and a black silk long sleeve shirt tucked in with a black and white knitted Chanel jacket and shorter flat heels.
It looked so familiar. I swear that I've seen her in this before. But I can't remember when or where.
She smiled at me and her glossed lips pressed together.
"You are so big, Cos.." She said in disbelief. Cosette was my middle name. My parents couldn't agree on a first because my mom wanted something very French and traditional and my dad wanted something more modern and American. So they settled for what I am called now, but my mom would always call me Cosette when my dad wasn't around, which would tend to be a lot.

"Come." She said holding her hand out. "I have to tell you something."
I reached my hand out for hers and at first mine went right through hers, then she grasped it while it fell and her hand was cold and bony. We had the same wilting fingers.

The music was drowned out to me now. I didn't hear anything but white noise and everyone was fuzzy.
I wasn't drunk. I couldn't have been. It was one drink. I've had more than that and my tolerance was too high. Maybe this was real.
I followed her upstairs again and she showed me a stairwell that led to a window.
She opened up the window and gestured for me to climb out. I went in front of her and climbed out turning around to help her but she wasn't there.
"Over here chèrie." She said.
"How-" I struggled for the question but I didn't ask. I wanted the all to make sense.

We stood on the roof and the wind blew and our hair moved in the same way.
"Sit." She said. And I did.
"I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously Cos." She said with her back to me still standing.
"I was on my way to the airport to go to New York to see you."
"Maman s'il vous plait." I said not wanting to hear anymore of the sad shit. "I'm not angry with you. I couldn't explain and you couldn't understand."

She sucked in her breath and you could see it when she exhaled in the cold of the night.
"But I am your mother!" Her soft French accent was sharp now. "And you should have been with me and not with the other woman." I knew she blamed Pepper for her and my dad ending.
Pepper got the version of my dad that my mom always longed for. Pepper got the family my mom pictured of. Pepper got the fairy tail my mom dreamed of.
And my mom blamed her for everything wrong.
"It breaks my heart when you call her mom." She said spitefully.
"I-I-I didn't mean to break your heart." I said tearfully. "Every girl needs a mother. You weren't around. I just wanted to be apart of them."
"I see you with them." She said disgustedly. "With those others. They are not your siblings. The older one, he's not even blood. The others, they're only half. It's not as strong as you think Cos, because of her."
"Please. Don't say that." I said upset.

It was always something I was insecure about. That Hero, Kalel, Klaus, Nellie, Teddy, and Theo would always have a stronger bond because they were true siblings. And Newt never seemed to mind what the connection was but it always bothered me. I always worried. Especially when I worked so much. And that my dad would look at me, and see her. But he looks at Kalel and he sees Pepper.
And he was there, for their births. But he couldn't make it to mine. It was just business.

"You can teach them French and you could have them understand but it's not the same if it was me there." She said.
It was true. From when they were all born I would speak to them in both English and French to teach them so that we all had something. All 8 of us.
"So why weren't you there?!" I demanded for an answer. And honest answer.
"Because I could not stand there and watch that woman have what I wanted! The life, the husband, the family!" She cried out.
"WHAT ABOUT ME!" I screamed. "I was yours then! I wanted you I need you damn it! Was I not what you wanted?"