Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

Where Did The Party Go?

Stassis POV
Lydia pushed him in and he seemed scattered and my heart beat the same as before when he'd walk in.
"Come on Scott, we need to start setting up." Allison said hitting her hands on her thighs.

I liked the talk with Scott and I could tell it was genuine because Scott's normally not too good with words.
They walked past Stiles and Scott slapped him on the shoulder pushing him farther in the room.
I still felt hurt and it was hard to look at him when he looked at me, so I tried my best to steal glances when he wasn't looking.
I didn't know how this was going to start. I didn't know which one of us was going to speak first, but if it's Stiles, I know he's gonna beat around the bush at first.
"Can I sit?" He asked shakily. I nodded and gestured to an empty space on the bed.
He rushed over and sat down.
His legs faced the wall and hung off the edge. I sat crisscrossed with my back against the wall near the windows.
His leg bounced and his hands rubbed over his thighs.

It was silent. Like really silent. And I could hardly stand it between us but I didn't know what to say!
"I uh heard you talked to Morrell." I said finally.
He scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"More like interrogated." He said. "Is that how she was with you? Is that why you didn't say anything in your first session?"
God damn it Scott. We pinky promised!
"Well at least that's what Morrell said."
Oh. Phew. Okay I was about to say, Scott broke our promise.

"Yeah I meant to tell you about it. You just seemed so proud of me, I didn't want to disappoint you." I said picking at my nails.
"I guess I really don't know what's best for you." He said dryly.
I didn't think that was entirely true. Sometimes, you don't know what you need.

"Don't say that." I said. I know his intentions were pure but his trust in himself and his own decisions were nonexistent. He was a good person with a good heart and he had to stop letting people tell him how he should handle things.
Because they're usually wrong.
He has to know that he has his own thoughts and can make decisions for himself.
"I feel like my life is just one big 'why did I do that' moment." He said.
"Except when I kissed you, that was more of a 'why didn't I do this sooner' moment."

I tried to put on a front of like 'I'm a bad bitch I don't need you' but then I look at him. And his eyes are puffy and the tip of his nose is red and the cuffs of his shirt sleeves are darker than the rest and I couldn't be mean to him if I wanted too. And I couldn't sit here a pretend that this didn't mean anything I was there! I saw the way he looked at me. And I knew that when he hurts I do. Whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same.

His lip began to tremble and he sniffed hard and with his sad and teary eyes he said, "I'm so sorry. I just want to help. I do these things because I love you and I want you to be able to see yourself the way I do." I pulled my knees up to my chest and went against my instinct to hold him.
"D-did- Do you really mean what you said? About not wanting to get better?" He asked looking at me.
"I don't know." I said. "I just think that the worst part is how intimate it gets. Becoming so close with how I've been and what I've done to cope that leaving those methods behind is like killing the part of myself that taught me how to survive." I said truthfully. I had to give him something. I had to be fucking honest, if with no one else with him.
"It must be so fucking hard to love me I'm so fucking sorry." I admitted breaking down. I lasted longer than I thought though.

"It's not." He said. "I said it to Morrell and I'll say it to you it's the easiest fucking thing in the world for me. And loving you is my favorite. It's given me so many stories to tell."

He has the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.
"Because when everything else felt wrong, you always felt right." He said. "But I don't deserve you."
"Maybe," I said and he wiped his eyes but I wasn't finished. "Maybe I deserve someone else but I always wanted you."
I couldn't hold it back anymore. I think we deserve a soft epilogue. We're good people and we've suffered enough.
I turned his shoulder to face me and I just wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into the crook of his neck and almost instantly he hugged me back and exhaled into my hair.