Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

Something Great

Stassis POV
We were back in Beacon Hills and it was Monday.
It was weird not sleeping next to Stiles last night. Even though it was once, it was peaceful and uninterrupted. I, for once, didn't wake up exhausted.
I had met back up with my brothers last night after dropping Stiles off home, my parents were coming back with the other kids tonight, but I had missed too much school to do that.
"Well, looks like everything worked out." Newt said sipping his coffee.
I kind of shrugged my shoulders in agreement and disbelief.
"Yeah and no ones invention exploded this year." I said remembering the past distatsets of the Stark Expo.
"But, back to reality." Hero said groaning.

I drove to school today and I felt so unprepared, like it was my first day again, it was too early for congratulations and questions.
While getting my bag together and wrestling with my mind on possible scenarios of today, a very familiar blue jeep pulled next to me.
Stiles jumped out knocking on my window.
"Yes?" I said rolling my window down, still collecting and making sure I had everything I needed for the day.
"Whatcha doin?" He asked leaning his head into my car through the open window.
"Eh you know, solving world hunger, installing world peace, wallowing in the fact that we're back."
"You're telling me. I slept like shit last night," He said as I got out of my car and facing him. "It's like now that I've fallen asleep with you, it's hard for me to fall asleep with out you."
Aw. Same.
"Me too. I kept waking up. It's like I was so tired, but couldn't sleep."
"Exactly! So, from now on, we have to spend the nights together." He said making me laugh as we walked to the front of school. "It's for our own good."
"Yeah I have a hard time believing we'll be getting that much sleep." I half joked.
He smilied licking his lips and his cheeks got red.
"Eh, what can I say?"

That night with Stiles reminds me that sex should be that enjoyable, on both ends. I didn't feel like I needed to sleep with him to have him stay, but I wanted it more than anything. I wanted his grip on me, his hot breath against my skin, the raspy low sound of his voice on repeat. I craved it.
Maybe because I didn't have the pressure to constantly perform for him made me attracted to him more. Or it could also be the fact that I was just 18 madly in love and wanted to fuck him all the time.
Anyway, it replayed in my mind. Like everytime I closed my eyes it was like I was there again. I could feel him, I could see it all so vividly, and oh God I can hear him.
On repeat, "Fuck" "Mm"
"Hello?!" Stiles said waving his hand on my face.
"Huh? What?" I asked snapping out of my memory.
"The game. Wednesday do you think you'll be able to make it?" He asked and I felt my face get hot. It was almost like I felt like he could read my mind and knew what I was thinking about.
"Oh yeah. Duh, of course."
"I probably won't play though, just for a heads up."
"I don't care. You look cute in your little uniform." I said trying to make him feel better.

I knew he felt inferior. To Scott, other guys at school, the people in New York, and I didn't really know how to get it through to him that everywhere I am, I look for him. I compare everyone to him but, no one seems to measure up.
I could buy myself whatever I wanted. I could travel wherever in the world I wanted to go, but I could never give myself the love and feelings that Stiles gives me. It's something you can't buy.
He is everything I was made to believe was asking for too much.

And I'm just trying to keep this together because I could do worse and he could do better.

"Hey!" Lydia said walking up to us. Neither of us said anything and looked at each other confused.
"So, Wednesday after the game we were all going to go to the diner!" She said clapping her hands together.
I am not falling for this again.
"Okay... Have fun." I said and we tried to move around her but she shifted back in front of us holding her hand out for us to stop and closed her eyes, tilted her head, and exhaled as if she were trying to calm herself.
"I was inviting you two." She said.
I scoffed and Stiles looked like as if he were considering it. "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot but-"
"Inviting my abusive ex to a date doesn't qualify as 'getting off on the wrong foot." I replied.
"Oh that? Stassi honey that was a misunderstanding I-"
"You what? You knew exactly what you were doing, and you knew it would hurt me. It didn't stop you."

I'll never trust her again. She has done too much damage. I've seen my 'crazy' side before. And I'll be damned to allow another person to get me to that point again, and disturb my peace.
If only they knew how long it took me to rebuild everything inside of me that people destroyed and took advantage of, they would understand why I am so picky with who I allow in my life.
"I gotta get to class though. I'll see you after?" I said turning to Stiles and wanting nothing more than to leave the situation.
"Yeah yeah for sure." He said rubbing my arm.

I walked away unsatisfied. I didn't trust Lydia, and knowing behind me that she stood there in front of Stiles didn't sit well.
I want him here with me, so I don't have to keep imagining fucked up scenarios.
Is it too much to ask for something great.
Come on Stass. Get the fuck out of your head!

"Hey!" Scott said sitting next to me.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" I asked knowing he didn't take Biology.
"I needed an extra science course, and since I'm actually doing good in chem, I was able to join this one."
"Doing well." I said correcting him and he laughed.
"In chem! Not English." He said.
"Did Lydia find you?" He asked after a few seconds of silence.
"Uh yeah." I said, and the thoughts crept back in. Fuck.
"So?"
"So what? I'm not going." I said rolling my eyes and shaking my head. He sighed defeatedly. What?! Can you blame me?
"There's going to be more people." He said.
"Great. So a bigger crowd for her to embarrass me in front of."

During our little back and forth Isaac came in sitting down next to me. The lab tables were shaped like jelly beans and there were three or four people per table. I was in the middle with both of them on either side of me. Also though, Isaac never sat here.
"Hey." He said putting his backpack down on the floor.
"Miss Oh switched out partners. She thinks you'll be a bigger help." He said confirming any of my suspicions.
"Oh okay. That's fine." I said and he smiled.

Scott gave him a look and scoffed.
"Anyway, you and Stiles had an awesome time in New York, I don't think Lydia or anyone, could make him not like you. And same with you!"
I looked over to him still not convinced. I didn't want to keep putting myself in these possible shitty situations. But on the other hand, it wasn't fair to Stiles. I mentally face palmed myself because I didn't even consider what he wanted.
I safely assumed we were both on the same page of keeping Lydia and her gatherings out of our plans.
"You guys talking about the plans after the game Wednesday?" Isaac asked. Before I could confirm Scott butted in and said, "Yeah, why?" Isaac shrugged his shoulders. "I was thinking of going."
Scott sighed again as if he didn't want Isaac there. Sheesh Scott, don't make it so obvious. Besides, I thought they were cool, being werewolf brothers and all.

"You bringing Erika?" I said and he laughed. "Uh no."
"Aw why. I thought you two were like.." I said gesturing weirdly with my hands.
"No no. I uh, like someone else." He said nodding his head and red cheeks.
"Very nice, anyway-" Scott said but was cut off my Miss Oh starting class.

Bio was uncomfortable. There was weird tension between Scott and Isaac. And I also started to question Scott's real reason for being in this class.

"Just think about it, and not in your analyzing worst case scenario type thinking okay?" Scott said as we packed up our things to leave.
"I just want to have a good night you know? I don't want to have to be worrying, I worry enough!"
They never want to discuss what triggered you, just how you reacted.

It was also creeping up to a certain date. A time of year that I become especially sad. It was always bad this time of year. Reliving the pain again, it's always been hard. It will be 4 years, and I still can't forget. They say that time heals everything but the scars are still there and I can't forget how I felt.
It seems to hit as hard as the day it happened. I would usually seclude myself during this time, but I couldn't do that this time. I had to show up, even when I wanted to lay in bed.

"Besides," Scott said snapping me out of yet another possible downward spiral. "I know you know I know, what went down in New York." He said smirking and nudging me.
I hope Stiles just didn't include too much detail.
"Oh shut it!" I said slapping him with my notebook.
"It was bound to happen. Losing your v-card is a big deal." He said and I was confused.
"I thought I told you, I already lost mine."
"No you took Stiles'."
Oh Stiles. I was going to say we already had this weird conversation- wait what?!

"I did what?!"