Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

From The Dining Table

Stassis POV
Waking up the next morning was brutal. The courage it took to get out of bed each morning to face the same things over and over was enormous.
I took my prescription to calm myself down.
"Come on Stass. We gotta get going." Newt said coming into my room.

We dropped the rest of the kids off to their schools and pulled up to mine. I wanted nothing more than to just stay in the fucking car and go back to bed.
"If you need anything, you call us we'll drop everything to come get you. Okay?" Newt said as I reached for the door handle. I nodded yes. "Alright, love you guys." I said a bit defeated.

I got out of the car and intended to just make my way to English. I had to awkwardly walk past Scott, Stiles, and Will but I managed and just made my ways through the halls.
I felt so stupid and humiliated, like I saw this coming. I wish I wasn't so naive and desperate. I wish I had saw this coming.

I sat down in my seat and texted my friend Kylie who I cried to all last night. I made plans with her for the weekend to try and get away from this shit. I stayed scrolling on my phone as everyone came in and I saw the seats around me fill in. It was awkward and tense and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. My leg shook in anxiety and I bit my nails.

"You done ignoring me now?" Charlie said turning around.
I looked up at him from my phone and shook my head no.
"Come on Stass. I'm still not even sure what happened."
I knew now that the three others were looking at me I could feel it.
"I will talk to you in French." I said looking back at my phone.

"Alright everyone." Stone said. "We are coming to the end of the book, so, we had a written test last book this time it's group project." I rolled my eyes. I hate group projects. I always end up picking up the slack because they know I'll do it because I can't go home with a bad grade, not to my dad.

"You will, make a powerpoint about one of the readings and how it relates to today." Mr. Stone went on about the project and what we had to do. "Get creative, get inspired, have fun with it!" He said. "You'll work in fours, Riley, Hannah, Charlie, and Jackson. Group one." He said. I already knew what was coming, he was setting us up with the people we were sitting by. "Stassi, Stiles, Scott, and Will. Group two."
"Fuck." I said under my breath.

"Last but not least, Lydia, Jackson, Yazzmine, and Warren, Group 6." I stayed looking at the board puckering my lips. "Now, get in your groups discuss how you want to split up the work and how you will do it." He said sitting in his chair. "Now, collaborate!" He likes his job too much.

Stiles turned his desk first and then I reluctantly did the same. The least the universe could do is get me partnered up with Charlie. Stone handed us all printed directions. I read it over to myself in the midst of the awkwardness.
12 slide power point 4 people each of us do three easy peasy.
"So uh-" Scott started, clearing his throat. "How would you guys like to come to my place after school and we can start on the project and stuff."
"Uh sure. What time?" Will asked.
"Well me and Stiles had lacrosse until 4:30 so how about 5?" Will nodded his head and they all turned to me.
"Stiles and I." I said correcting him. He looked confused.
"You don't say 'me have lacrosse practice until 4:30' you say 'I have lacrosse practice until 4:30'."
They all laughed lightly but I wasn't joking. Living with an insufferable know-it-all rubs onto you after 18 years.

"Just tell what slides you want me to do and I'll make a Google Doc and do it." I said closing my notebook.
"Well don't you think it would easier if we all did it together so our point would make sense?" Stiles asked me and I looked at him sideways.
My phone buzzed and it was a text from this guy I used to talk to back in New York. I hadn't heard from him since I left.
"Hey, saw your mom and dad. I miss you."

My fingers hovered over the keyboard not knowing how to respond.
"Brothers again?" Stiles asked being nosy.
"No." I said short and sweet. Then another popped up.
"Maybe next time you can come with them." I thought about the last time we spoke in person and how upset he was with me for leaving.

I was supposed to go to New York next month for the Stark Expo, but I'm not sure I'm ready to see him again.
Some of the things he said keep me up at night.
And I know I'm not strong enough to face him again, I'd just melt.

"Hello?" Will said snapping me out of my daze. I shut my phone off and placed it facing down. They were all looking at me.
"I have some things to do at home so, I'll just do the slides home." I said finally.
"Well then why don't we come to your house?" Stiles asked bravely.
"Um no." I said laughing at the suggestion.
"Well why not. We need to do this together." Stiles said pushing.
"I have 7 siblings, 3 dogs, and no parents home, I have about 750 emails, organize the stupid Expo for my dad, and help with the building of Stark Tower in California. I wasted an entire evening going to your stupid game and got no work done so I will do it at home. Alone." I said snapping a bit as the bell rang.

I swallowed hard and little embarrassed about my behavior and quickly grabbed my things and shifted my desk back, leaving.
I went to Chem and Scott didn't sit next to me this time.
I waited and waited for class to end to go to French to talk to Charlie and maybe get some answers on what happened, but I had a feeling I wouldn't really like his answers.

"Charlie!" I said once chemistry ended and I was in the hallway. I caught up to him eventually and finished the walk to French with him.
"Stassi, what the hell is going on with you? What happened in English?"
I ignored him as I took my seat.
"You said you'd talk to me in French were in French so talk." He said with major attitude.

"What is your guys problem huh?" I said back. "You break my balls all day to go to this stupid game, I cave in and I go, and Lydia kisses freaking Stiles there." I said pissed off.
"I thought you guys wanted me to go see him play because he liked me or something. I felt set up."
"How was I supposed to know that would happen? Stassi you're my friend. All they said to me was to help convince you to go, have fun."

Madamosille started the lesson and I was unsatisfied with what I got out of Charlie. Maybe he really didn't know anything.
"Lydia is a jealous bitch Stass." Charlie said in a bit of a hushed tone. "Maybe she did that because she knew Stiles didn't like her anymore and that he maybe liked you and she knew you were there and how hard he tried for you to go and she missed the attention he gave to her."

So he did know something.

Class soon ended and I told Charlie I'd talk to him later and headed out to the front of the school for my brothers.
I waited by the curb for them to show up when I was tapped on the shoulder.
"Hey.." Stiles said awkwardly.
"Hi." I said looking away.
"Watcha doin?" He asked swaying on his heels and toes.
"Waiting for my brothers. Who should be here by now." I said checking the watch on my wrist. "Oh do you need a ride?" He asked.
"No." I said quickly, which came out as kind of rude.
"Mind if I wait with you until they get here?"
"Don't you have practice?" I asked.
"Sitting on the bench doesn't require much practice." And I laughed a bit. God damn it.

"I like your shirt." He said with his smirk. "It uh makes your eyes kind of pop out you know. Not that you looked bug eyed, the color of them..pops."
"Um thanks." I said awkwardly.
"I'm uh, sorry I wasted your night. Last night." Ouch. Now I feel guilty.
"Forget what I said. It's not what I meant." I said shaking my head and then looking up at him. His hand were shoved in his khakis and he looked upset.
"I um, shouldn't have lashed out on you guys like that, that wasn't fair I just-"
"Have a lot going on." He said finishing my sentence. "I just thought, that if I played once this season, I kinda just wanted you to see."
"I saw a lot, last night." I said sucking in my breath with the cold wind.

I saw the black Audi come around the corner. "I'm just happy for you." I said looking at him. He looked at me confused. "That Lydia finally chose you." Only if you knew, how much I liked you, I thought.
"Wha- Lydia?" He asked.
The car pulled up to the curb and Hero opened the door.
"Yeah I knew how much you liked her." I said holding onto the car door.
"Wait wait wait-" he said as I climbed in.

"Thanks for waiting with me. I'll start working on the slides when I get home."
Then I closed the door and my heart was beating so fast that I felt like you could see it. Newt stepped on it and we sped off home.