Why Would You Ever Kiss Me?

Lay Me Down

Stassis POV
I didn't go to school Monday or Tuesday, but my dad told me to go today since we were leaving for New York Friday for the Expo. I didn't want to cause any problems for him, so I just sucked it up.
I was still so upset. My sadness was more than the miscarriage, it was more of my role in it. I couldn't do what I thought I could. I can't save everyone, but I'm trying.

My dad didn't have much more information than Derek and I knew about this. In fact, he had no idea that there was even a prophecy that predicted all of this.
These attacks however, have been monitored by S.H.I.E.L.D and Detecive Fury and the Avengers were aware of what's been going on, but haven't acted on anything.
So I blamed them a bit as well.

My eyes ached from the weight of unshed tears. I was bad at communicating when I was upset. I wanted to shut down. Because me shutting down is better than me blowing up I promise. I just get sad sometimes. And it all gets too much. So I need to shut the world out for a bit, and when I feel better I'll let it back in.

I'll be on the floor crying, and I could be like that for days. And that is me being brave. That is me getting through it as best as I know how. No one else can decide was my tough looks like.

I wish I wasn't such a dreamer. I've ruined this for myself. And things were starting to get bad again, but I was too tired, too wrapped up in my self pity, to care to do anything about it.

And I hated how Stiles and Scott looked at me. I couldn't get it out of my brain. It was more than sympathetic looks, it was disgust. And I hated the way he left. I knew I was a little too rough and mean, but I felt judged and I didn't know how to react positively.
I'm not a bad person for the ways I try to kill my sadness.
Even the clouds cry when things get too heavy.

I drove myself to school today and my brothers hugged me before they left and they told me that everything will be okay and that they were proud of me today.

I felt like, especially after this weekend, that I wanted to keep my family close to me. That they were near me at all times so nothing bad happened, but at the same time maybe I was the reason they were in danger. But that was also the voice in my head that killed all the flowers and fed me posion. That voice was a liar but it was loud, and I hated it.

I pulled up to school and I regretted my decision to come. Maybe I'll just go to Kylies, I thought.
That actually wasn't that bad of an idea. But the god damn school will call my house. Ugh.
I eventually got out of my car as less people surrounded the outside and made their way inside.

I wasn't ready to see Stiles yet. I wasn't ready to see anyone. I didn't want to be looked at, I wanted to crawl back into bed and go to sleep and forget this nonsense for a little while longer.
"Hey." Isaac said to me as he parked his bike. I locked my car and shoved my hands in the pockets of my cardigan.
"Hey." I said back a little confused since we never talked before.
"You doing okay?" He asked walking up next to me.
"Yeah I'm fine." I said not really in the mood for another interrogation.
"Okay. Good." He simply said.
I was pleasantly surprised that my response was good enough for him.
"I know you're lying." He said making a face. "But, I get it too. I'm not going to push you."
"Thanks." I said.

We walked side by side for a little bit and I just looked at the ground and Isaac said, "I'm gotta go this way. I'll see you in French." He said and I just nodded.

I was the last person to walk into English and I just sat down. No questions no comments. Nada.
Will ruffled my hair a bit and patted me on the back. I turned to him but the other way, so that my back was facing Stiles.
"I told my mom." He said smiling. "And she said she knew too. And that she loved me."
"Good. I knew she would. How could you not." I was happy for him. Some good news admit all this shit.

The whole class I hand my right hand resting on my head blocking my face from Stiles and Scott. I just wasn't ready.

Class was awkward. I don't know if it was in my head or what but I felt stared at and weird. I took my time packing my stuff at the end of class and when I went to Chem, Scott was sitting in the seat usually next to mine again, but instead I sat with Danny and this kid Pete. I could feel Scott's eyes staring into the back of my head and it took everything in me not to turn around.

I sat through lecture, bored and unstimulated. I had some papers to run down to Coach's Econ class that I should have done on Monday but.
I went the opposite way of Scott and tried my best to get lost in the crowd of people so I wasn't easily spotted.

I was approaching the Econ class and I could hear Stiles' voice and it hurt my heart.
I knocked on the opened door and proceeded to walk in.
From my peripheral I could see Stiles looking at me.
"Stark!" Coach said walking up to me.
I handed out the papers and he flipped through them.
"Great great. Thanks kid." He said.
"Yeah hope you don't find them, disappointing." I said mocking his comment about me for not supplying the papers Monday.
"Oh I uh-" He laughed nervously. "That came out wrong." He said. I didn't buy it, and I was in no mood.
"I don't care." I said leaving.

I closed the door behind me and I left for French. I had something to get off my chest but I haven't gotten the chance, and I was to nervous to do it publicly, in case I cried or screamed or hit something I don't know.

"Bonjour.." Isaac said to me as I came in. I was still off guard about his sudden attention to me.
"Madamosielle. Je suis désolé pour ta maman.." She said.
"Tout va bien merci." I replied.

Charlie had been absent for a while due to some problems and honestly, I missed him extra today.

French was my first language, my real mom was French and I lived with her there for a while when my dad was building Stark Tower in New York. So this class felt a little bit like home.
"Au revoir à demain!" She said.
I had received a few texts from Stiles that I just ignored. He said he wanted to talk and I did too, but I think we both had different things to talk about.
"Hey, you want me to walk you to your car?" Isaac asked.
"I'm um, sure I can manage." I replied.

I walked out the side door that was not heavily occupied. I kept an eye on my surroundings because I wasn't up for any surprises.
I unlocked my car and as I opened the door and large hand pushed it shut again.
"Can we talk now?" Stiles asked desperately. "You've been ignoring me for the past two days."
I still didn't say anything and I bit on the side of my cheek refusing to make eye contact. "Please I want to talk to you." He begged.
"You sure you want to talk to me? Is Heather not answering you either?" I asked bitterly. Hi face dropped and I shrugged my shoulders.
"Wha- How um.."
"You praise me for being a genius you really surprised that I know?" I asked condescendingally.
"She's just a childhood friend, our moms were best friends.."
"And you made out with her."
"She kissed me!" He exclaimed as if that made it any better.

I felt the anger subside and the sadness take over. I was so mad at first when Allison told me, but looking at him in the face was heartbreaking.
"Scott was just trying to cheer me up I was so upset I.."
"Don't act like this only affected you. I was hurt too but I didn't call up anyone else to feel less lonely."

Peoples love is not a raincoat that you can slip on when it gets stormy out.

"She came onto me I didn't go there looking for anything!" He protested. "What was I supposed to do?"
"You should've went home!" I yelled. "You shouldn't have led me on if you just wanted to hookup you should've told me from the start!"
"Don't pretend like this doesn't mean something to you. I was there. I saw the way you looked at me!"

Cars began pulling out of the parking lot and it was getting emptier.
"This meant everything to me." I said defeated.
"You couldn't look at me so you looked at her huh?" I said sniffing.
"No no. I look for you everywhere in everything."

I opened my car door again and threw my backpack on the passenger side.
"I'm taking the jet to New York for the Expo on Friday, alone." I said and the look on his face hurt. But I couldn't pretend that I was okay. Whether he slept with her or not, the intention was there.
"When will you come back?" He asked hands shaking.
I just shrugged. I didn't know if I wanted to come back. Being in Beacon Hills hurts, this place has caused me too much pain. I don't belong here.
"I need a break from here." I said truthfully. "I need to go home for a while."

"I need to get better."