The beeping of the machines I was linked to only increased my state of panic, as a nurse put an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. It was hard for me to breathe at that point, as I didn't understand what was happening to me. I tried my best to iden...
The car was awfully quiet on our way back to the hotel while a battlefield of emotions was going on inside of my head. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs how much I hated this situation, how much I hated John for doing this to me. I knew John wasn't the kind of person you could rely on, but I'd have never thought he was so twisted.
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Memories came back to me as I stared at the passing landscape through the window. I remembered the Sunday lunches at his parents' house where I truly felt like I belonged somewhere, that I had a family aside from Grams. Dionne and Simon were the ones who made me feel wanted and safe. Back then, I was empty and barely capable of keeping myself together. They took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself and when John was too overwhelmed by my night terrors, my mental breakdowns and the rest. They never failed me.
That's probably why I felt so bad. A part of me felt like I was betraying Simon. If what John said about his illness was true, he needed help. Unlike what his son pretended, money would not solve his problems: attention and assistance would. The doctor inside of me wanted to give that to him.
"Are we gonna talk about this?" Al's voice suddenly tore me away from my thoughts. "I don't like your silence. It's freaking me out," she told me, as she turned the ignition off once she parked the car by the hotel.
"I don't even know what to say," I sighed, resting my head on the headrest. "Or if there's anything to say at all."
"Well, then I'll say something. At least he doesn't know about Faraji," she shrugged, and I nodded a little. That was indeed all that mattered to me. "I was wondering...," she spoke, before she turned her body in my direction. "You didn't mean it, huh? The part where you said that you wouldn't care if he spoke to the press."
"I meant it," I shook my head, looking down at my lap. "I just hope it's not going to affect Michael and Faraji. If John manages to get some credibility in what he says, people are going to start asking questions and it's going to draw attention on me... and inevitably on Faraji. That's the part I fear the most. I'd like him to be introduced to this life bit by bit."
"Do you think it's time for you to tell everybody about him?" she wondered, and I sighed heavily.
"It's not that easy, Al," I told her, rubbing my temples. "I need to discuss this with Michael first, and I know he's not ready to reveal our son to the world just yet. He's frightened just thinking about it."
"But why? You'll have to sooner or later. What is he so scared of?" she asked, frowning.
"Michael didn't have a normal childhood. Hell, he didn't have one at all," I explained, looking at my best friend. "He doesn't want that for Faraji. He wants him to have the childhood he missed on."
"And he'll be able to have that. I feel like it's hurting him more not to be able to follow you where you go," Alice pointed out, and a lump formed in my throat at her words. "Your son is scared to be abandoned all over again. He needs his parents, and you won't be able to reassure him if he always has to stay hidden."
