Sayonee √

T h i r t e e n (تیرہ)

Laila

"Ammi I don't want to wear this please" Alaya whines as Khala gave her jewelry which she wore on her nikah.
"It will match with your dress too Alaya plus your Abbu wants you to" Khala tries to reason with her, but we all know she won't listen.
"I think Khala there is no need to discuss this here she won't listen," I said after a while of being silent, according to my family I'm broken, and I don't talk to anyone I heard everyone talking yesterday after the dinner. Yes, I am broken but the reason for me being silent is that I don't know how to react to anything or what to do I mean Alaya is getting married now they want me to be happy when they should be knowing I cannot be happy it's like they aren't even aware of me grieving of my loss.

"Fine I'll wear it but for the evening I won't," she says huffing in frustration, tonight is her Mehendi, unlike me who didn't have any rituals Alaya won't have her wedding plain and vanilla type.
"Okay, I've told Zain to pick your dress, and Laila, Bache you haven't even decided yet what you will wear the designer is coming in later choose anything if it needs we have to give for alterations also," Khala says giving me a small smile.
"Ji Khala" I reply giving a forced smile, I think my life is going to be like this now forcing smiles even when I don't want to.

"Okay you girls come down for lunch everyone must be waiting now," Khala says getting up from the bed we were in Alaya's room which was a mess of clothes lying like ants in the room.
"What are you thinking now?" Alaya asks pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Nothing so how is Afan?" I ask cause I don't know what is going on lately in her life or for a matter of fact in anybody's life most of the day is spent in the room sleeping or doing nothing I have stopped writing in my diary because when your mind is a mess everything all over the place words doesn't come up.

"He is fine, but how are you, and I mean not your physical self but how are you feeling emotionally, what you have been through or going through is not easy, and always remember this I'm always there for you if you ever feel like talking to someone just come to me anytime," Alaya says giving a little squeeze to my hand I gave her a small smile. I know she will be there for me but space has left a void in my heart with the loss of my parents and for now, I just want to fill it but it won't be easy, but I will try because you cannot live in one phase of your life always it will damage you in different ways I just need time to heal myself.

"I'm okay Alaya, all I need is the time because it is time that heals every wound," I said she gives me a hug which was broken by Miraal knocking on the door.
"Sorry to disturb but the designer is here," she says walking in.
Everyone has become distant from me since everything because I know what goes on in their mind, no one knows what to say to me or what will be the appropriate thing I don't blame them if I was in their place I would've reacted the same way I guess cause this time is sensitive for everyone and no one wants to hurt my feelings I understand that and I understand if they want to move on getting on with their lives I know they lost someone close them too but the way it has hurt me it hasn't to anyone it's normal plus everyone has their ways to grieve and no one can always grieve someone for their whole life.

Or maybe we can? I think I will grieve the death of my parents always but I will grow into it Ammi and Abba Jaan would hate it, and Danish Bhai Jaan would hate that too I just want someone to hold my hand and help me through this.

You have Amaan, my mind pops up with this sentence I'm not sure if he is I know we got married but spending your whole life is a big task, and for starters, we are strangers even though we belong to the same family yet strangers but now that is changing slowly I guess.

No, it cannot.

The designer and makeup artist walk in with one dress in her hand I thought she'll be having the whole rack with her, jewelry and stuff "the dress is already decided for you I'm just here to deliver and help you with getting ready" she says keeping it on the corner of the bed.
"It's okay I'll help myself you can leave" I order her nodding her head she leaves.