Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Thirty

"Sweetheart, I think it's time for you relax. It's been three days and nothing has happened." I heard Aiden commented from behind me.

I stopped peeping like a creep at the corner of the living room window before I slowly turned to face him. He has Vi in his arms, he's swaying her from left to right while my angel is trying to reach the silicon teether from his hands.

I sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just that. . . " I paused. What am I supposed to say?
Aiden pursed his lips, pity reflecting in his eyes. "Hindi mo in-expect na ganoon ang magiging reaksyon niya nang nakita ka niya?"

Well, damn me, because he had hit the nail right on it's freaking head. I looked away and nodded my head.

Now, it's his turn to sigh.

"Look, sweetheart, can I suggest something?"

Silence was the only thing that I can reply. His lips thinned. Inilagay niya si Vi sa crib nito saka naupo sa sofa. He tapped the side of the couch and gestured for me to sit beside him which I obliged.

He wrapped me in his arms and placed a soft kiss on top of my head. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" He quietly asked.

Dozen of things flew in my head but all of it narrowed into one thing. 

Kasi takot ako.

"He's not going to take Vi away from you if that's what you're afraid of." Aiden muttered after a few beats of utter silence.

Napatingin ako kay Vi na busy aliwin ang sarili niya. She's making that cute squeaky giggles I'm not gonna get tired hearing.

What am I without her? Ever since I learned I was pregnant, my whole world revolved around my precious girl. I have legal rights to her dahil hindi kami kasal ni Kiel. Pero hindi kaya ng puso ko na ipagkait kay Vi 'yong karapatan niyang makilala at makasama ang tatay niya kung sakali mang hingiin ni Kiel sa'kin iyon.

Dahil nung si Tanya at ako, tinanggalan kami ng karapatan. Hindi kami binigyan ng pagkakataong mamili kung gusto ba namin ng presensiya ni Papa sa buhay namin. It was hard for me and I know, it was even harder for Tanya. I knew the trauma, the grief, and everything in between and what good of a mom am I if I'll let my own child experience that?

Tears pooled from the corner of my eye and I was quick to wipe it away. "Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko, Aiden." I croaked.

He gave my shoulder a soft rub, "Alam mo. Natatakot ka lang gawin. Hindi mo kaya na habang buhay siyang iwasan Dothy. Sooner or later, your paths will cross again. And you have to ready. Kaya ngayon pa lang dapat iniisip mo na kung alin ba ang tama at ikabubuti ni Vi. It's not just you now, sweetheart, there's Victoria. Whatever you decide will affect her also."

"Bakit naman kasi ganito kahirap? Nagmahal lang naman ako." I foolishly inquired the same question I asked myself everyday, nagbabakasakaling si Aiden may sagot.

"If it doesn't hurt, if it's not worth the pain and effort. It's not love." He said with a shrug. He the put me at arm's length, gathering some of my now long hair and clipping it behind my ear.

"My suggestion is, why not you reach out first? Wala namang mawawala sa'yo 'diba? At least with that, you can control the motion."

I wanted to laugh. With Kiel you can never control anything. He has that aura, that force that will make you stumble and fall on your knees for him.