Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Three

"Maybe, it's time we get married?" I suddenly choked on the pasta I just swallowed.

My coughs were hitting me in rapid succession becoming almost uncontrollable. Aiden handed me my glass of water before standing up behind me, giving me gentle pats on the back.

"Is there something I can do to help, Sir?" the waiter, suddenly appearing from somewhere near us.

I was still calming my sudden dysfunctional epiglottis when I heard Aiden speaking to the attendant. "Yes, we can use another glass of water."

When I was able to breathe normally, I realized that I was trembling. I knew this is a confrontation I cannot avoid. We've been dating for, what? Four or five years? I don't know. I was never the type to count the days when I'm with someone.

Nevertheless, I knew from the very moment we started this, I made it very clear to him. I don't want marriage. It was never on my plans.

The waiter arrived back, handing me what Aiden requested. I murmured my thanks. My boyfriend made sure I was okay before he settled himself back on his seat.

Damn, I should have known he will be addressing the big elephant I've been avoiding for years. Why else should he book a table on one of the very expensive restaurants in the city if there's nothing to celebrate? Let's add that it's hella hard landing a reservation here.

"Sweetheart, how long should we have to wait?" he asked.

I just lost my appetite and looks like he's on the page as me. He had placed his utensils on the side, his Gambas Al Ajillo not even touched.

"Aiden, I've been clear about that part before. Haven't I?" I said that as calmly and lightly as I could.

He let out a sigh, roaming his eyes around before fixing it back to me. "But it's been four years." Ah, so we've been dating for four years already. "We're not getting younger. Ano pang kailangan kong gawin para mabago isipan mo?"

"Wala, Aiden."

"Wala dahil hindi na magbabago ang isip mo? So, what are we in the future? Just dating until what? Forever?"

I'm not really sure there's forever but, "If that's what you term it, then, yes." I answered, insipid.

Hurt crossed his face, and I felt guilty. But still, it wouldn't change a thing. My mind is made up ever since dad walked out of his marriage to mom. The time I was six years old and he walked away from us.

Marriage is just a piece of paper making people believe in things that are never true. Imagine spending tons of money for something you hoped that would last forever, only to find out it is complete and utter bullshit.

"You know what I want, Aiden. 'Yon lang ang gusto ko, wala ng iba." I muttered, reaching for my wine because I really need some alcohol in my system right now.

"We can't. Sinabi ko na rin sa'yo na mabibigay ko lang ang gusto mo kapag kasal na tayo. That and a lot more. It would be a disgrace for me and my religious family if what you want happens before we even get married." I saw how torn he was while telling me those things again.

I like Aiden. A lot. He's very kind and thoughtful. Never once did he get mad at me. Maybe, that's a result of him being raised in a very strict Catholic family or he's really born with innate kindness and a heart of gold. He isn't lacking the looks department either.

But what he's missing is the capability of giving me what I've always wanted.

I swirled the red poison in my glass. I think I've had six refills ever since we started having dinner, which would account to my lack of empathy to our conversation.