Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Twenty

I chickened out the last minute. It's a good thing because when I saw that onesie, all I ever wanted was to rush to him.

Hug him.

Kiss him.

God, I feel so weak.

The only thing keeping me from revolving back to him was anger. I know it's not ideal to harbor and nourish negativities in life but it's the only thing keeping me from fraying.

I still can't fathom how stupid I've been about him. I believed in him. He jammed himself in my life with force. In turn, I slowly eased down my high tower of defense with blind faith.

But what did he do? He made it look like he's helping me nurse my sore spots about trusting people before hepulled a knife and dug it right where it fucking hurts.

I brushed a palm on my chest, trying to lessen the stomping pain there. I've been staring at the mahogany table pushed on the wall, specifically at thre bouquet of Lavenders seated there. I can see the three notes inserted on it. Hindi ko na kailangan basahin para malaman ang laman. For the span of a week, it says the same thing.

I'm sorry

It's during these moments that it hits me with amain and agonizing force. I don't want to touch any of it, because whenever I do, it's as if I can feel him suffering too but he's sticking on giving me what I asked – a space to think.

I wiped a tear that escaped my eyes. "Tama na, Dothy. He's not worth it."

I picked the telephone from the cradle to ask someone from my staff to throw away these abominations. Ayokong makaramdam ng kahit na ano para sa kanya kundi galit at poot lamang.

I dialled the front desk the same time that someone knocked from my door. The creaking sound soon followed, then I'm facing Yan.

"Ate, may bisita ka po." She says.

I dropped the phone back to its place when I saw Era and Cael behind her. Though I remained unwavered nor did I place any noticeable reaction, I can feel my stomach churning.

I nodded my head. Tinulak ni Yan ang pinto para lawakan ang espasyo.

"Yan, pakuha na lang 'yong mga bulaklak sa mesa bago ka lalabas."

"Opo, Ate."

Era and Cael sat on the two chairs in front of my desk. Silence hovering above us as we watch Yan scuttle and grab all the bouquet in one go.

Once the door shut closed, I zeroed my gaze at them. Era's face said it all. She looked torn and worried. I didn't get any reaction from Cael, though.

I cleared my throat. "What made you drop by?"

Era's face softened, glancing briefly at Cael. "We want to know what happened? Walang gustong kausapin si Kuya sa'min. He's not doing well, hindi rin siya pumapasok sa opisina. We're worried."

I gritted my teeth. My anger bubbling to rise. He's turning this on me? He's gathering a fucking pity party just so he can get me to talk to him again?

Screw him.

"He's a grown man, Era. He's not my responsibility." I hissed. I saw her looking at my clenched fists on top of the table making her wince.

But still, she continued. "It's not that, Dothy."

Cael hands shoot out, placing it on top of hers. She stopped talking to peer at her husband with questioning eyes.