Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Thirty Three

It's true on what they say.

No matter how much you prepare yourself, when that moment finally arrive, you'll feel every bit of your strength and confidence being stripped away. And it's just like that now. A feeling of cold swept all over my body. Masakit pa rin pala. Sobrang sakit pa.

'Yong mundo tila'y biglang tumigil para sa aming tatlo. Si Kiel nakatitig sa akin, si Desiree nakatitig kay Kiel, at ako nakatitig sa babaeng kahit hindi ko man sabihin, alam kong sinisisi kong naging dahilan kung bakit naging ganitong miserable ang buhay ko at kung bakit magiging kulang ang dapat na kompletong pamilya ng anak ko.

I know. I chose this. Because I have this fucking hobby of being so righteous. Kahit sobrang hirap. Kahit nakakabaliw. Kahit nakakapanghina.

Hindi ko na matandaan kung gaano kami katagal nagtititigan tatlo. But I know, I have the briefest, fleeting decision to just flee the situation, I, again, got myself into. However, the smiling and giggling face of my angel baby swept in my mind. So I stood0 my shaky feet and cleared my throat.

That one gesture sounded like an atomic bomb for the three of us. I have to speak. I have to tell them that I meant no harm and I'm just here to say my peace. So all of us could go on our own merry way and maybe in the future be friends again. If my heart ever permits or if our feelings won't get in the way.

"Pasensya na. Hind-"

"Hanggang ngayon talaga. Bwisit ka sa buhay ko, ano?" Putol ni Desiree sa mga sasabihin ko.

The way her voice and words cut me is noticeable. It's coated with so much hatred and anger it made me physically shiver.

"Hindi ko gusto ng gulo, Desiree. Nandito lang ako-"

"Kung hindi mo gusto ng gulo sana hindi ka na muling bumalik pa ng Maynila." Muling putol niya sa dapat kong sasabihin. Nakakunot ang mga noo niya at naka-kamao ang dalawang kamay nito. Parang kaonting-kaonti na lang ay susugurin na niya ako sa kinatatayuan ko. "Ang sabihin mo, sadyang malandi kang babae-"

"Desiree, tama na!" Kiel's voice boomed inside his office. I don't think I ever got any recollection when I heard or even saw him raise his voice, let alone show anger physically.

"Ahh. Malakas na ang loob mo ngayon?" Desiree, then, challenged him. "Bakit? Kasi bumalik na ang haliparot na 'to?"

"I'm warning you." Kiel growled.

"Hindi ako papayag na maging masaya kayo, Kiel. May pananagutan ka sa akin." Desiree continued. Then it hit me. Her child.

Why did I almost forget about her child? What am I doing here? Bakit ba ginugulo ko nanaman ang buhay nilang dalawa? The sudden remembrance of her child felt like a wake up call.

"I-I have to go. I don't know why I'm here." Bulong ko. Hindi ko na alam kung narinig ba nila ang sinabi ko o hindi. Ngunit, hindi na importante sa akin 'yon. I hastily backed away, yanked open the door, and sped away towards the elevator.

Everyone was looking at me because Kiel was hollering at my name like his life depends on it. I can also hear Desiree spouting strings of curses but I didn't mind. All I think about was to get our of the place, go home to my angel baby, and just feel safe. It was all too consuming. I have regrets of going here but at the same time, I was glad I muster the courage to meet him. Kahit na, mukhang hindi ko na makakamit pa 'yong payapang puso't isipan na inaasam-asam ko.

"Dothy, wait!" There was defeat in his voice that made me stop briefly. I looked back and just like that, it was as if yesterday. The commotion, the crowding of his employee cease to exist. I don't even see Desiree anymore. Everything slowly faded to gray until it was only me and him.