Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Twenty Six

"Hey, pauwi ka na ba?" I immediately asked when he answered after the first ring.

I was seated on my favorite bean bag which we situated beside the floor-to-ceiling windows of our new condominium unit. Simula talaga ng binili namin 'to, wala na akong ibang gustong pwestuhan. Nakaka-relax din kasing pagmasdan 'yong view lalo na't 19th floor ang napili naming bilhin.

"No, nasa grocery pa ako. Why? Is there something wrong?" He blurted those words in such rapid succession that the anxiety in his voice was palpable.

It made me laugh. "Wala naman. Magpapadagdag sana ako honey dew. Nakalimutan kong isama sa list bago ka umalis kanina."

I heard him blowing the breath he must've held in after his question. "Akala ko kung ano na. How's the little princess doing?"

I mindlessly caressed my bump with his question. Habang papalapit kasi nang papalapit ang due date ko mas lalong nagiging active si Vi; para bang sinasabi na soon, malapit na namin siyang maakap at mahawakan.

"Hello, sweetheart? Are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm here. Okay naman si Vi. Nakatulog ata at hindi naglilikot ngayon." I replied with a smile.

"That's good. Sana ikaw rin magpahinga na muna." He said with a sigh. "The doctor said you shouldn't be on your feet for too long."

I again laughed, "Nakaupo ako ngayon sa –"

"Bean bag chair." He finished with a chuckle. "I know, best purchase we ever made. I got your honey dew. May iba ka pa bang gustong idagdag?"

"Wala naman na. Be home safe."

"Yes, of course, sweetheart. See you in a bit."

I placed my phone on the coffee table beside me and gazed blankly at the scenery ahead of me. This eight months had changed my life a whole fucking lot. But I'm still glad it all happened, dahil sa huli, I got my angel baby with me.

It was hard leaving Metro Manila. It was hard leaving Kiel. But I know it would be harder if I stayed knowing that he has to father another woman's child, lalo na't sa una't sapul 'yong babae 'yon ang may karapatan sa kanya.

Alam ko, kung tutuusin pwede rin naman akong mag-demand kay Kiel. But, I won't to that to him, to Desiree, and most especially to their child. Kasi alam ko ang pakiramdam na maging hindi priority ng isang magulang. And if eliminating myself voluntarily from the whole picture would save that child from that ill-fated situation, I would gladly do so.

Kahit mahirap.

Kahit masakit.

Kahit halos parang hindi ko kayanin.

A day before I left for Iloilo, Kiel and I talked. Truth to be told, I almost stayed. Lalo ng lumuhod siya at walang ginawa kundi umiyak at magmakaawa. Naramdaman ko talaga na kaonti na lang ay bibigay na ako sa gusto niyang mangyari. But I was able to hold my ground and be firm with my decision. Kung saan ko nahugot ang tibay ng loob ng mga oras na 'yon, hindi ko rin alam.

"Baby. . . please. . .don't leave me. . .please. Hindi ko kakayanin. Please l-lang." Kiel muttered. It broke me to see him like this. Halos hindi na siya makapagsalita sa sunod-sunod na hikbi niya.

I told him that I needed the rest of the day yesterday to think and I came to a conclusion just this morning; na ako na ang magpaparaya.

At heto kaming dalawa sa loob ng unit niya na naging tahanan ko na rin sa maikling panahon. Heto kaming dalawa, ako nagliligpit ng mga gamit ko at siya pinipigilan akong gawin 'yon.