Stonehearts 8: Peridot

Twenty Four

"You're still freaking out." Kiel's voice echoed through my head breaking my temporary daze. I never realized he's back at my side again after he left a few minutes ago to refill our glasses with soda.

I slowly faced him and tried to give him a genuine smile. "No, I'm not."

He pulled his brows together, "Yes, you are. Hindi mo nga napansin na naka-mute na ang T.V."

Nilingon ko ang sixty-five inches niyang wall-mounted na telebisyon at siya nga, may katotohanan ang sinabi niya. The smile I had faltered, then I blew out a breath.

He's right. I've been freaking out ever since he dropped the 'aasawahin' bomb two nights ago. I mean, I can tolerate it kapag sa akin niya lang sinasabi, pero kapag may ibang taong ng nakakarinig, more so those other people being his family, it's a BIG thing. So yeah, I am out of my head and I've been panicking gravely ever since.

He reached for my hands and trapped it in between his. Parehas kaming napatitig doon. Matagal na namuno ang katahimikan, malalim ang iniisip niya at ako naman naghihintay sa mga bagay na pwede niyang sabihin o tanungin kahit alam ko na kung ano 'yon. Alam ko naming darating at darating ang panahong pag-uusapan naming 'to, I just didn't realize it to be this sooner.

"Why are you so evasive of marriage?" He blurted out. His face full of curiosity.

"I just don't believe in it." I simply replied. A part of me wishes he'll let this one go. I tried prying out of his hold but he tightened his grip, meaning he's not going to back down from this conversation.

"Why?"

My first thought was to be vague as always. Sabihin na walang rason, na basta hindi lang ako naniniwala. But when I stared at his face, his handsome face, I thought otherwise.

This is Kiel. The man who's willing to sacrifice and do everything and anything for me. The man who's been nothing but open, forgiving, and understanding.

Telling him all about my unwillingness to be bound to someone is a big thing for me. A very serious one. But then again, he's done so much for me, changed a lot for me. Kahit na hindi ko hiningi.

I blew out a heavy sigh, my thoughts jumbled. The hard lines on his face softened, and he knew this is something hard for me to talk about. He reached for my nape and pulled me to him so he can drop a kiss on my forehead.

"Gusto ko lang sanang maintindihan ka pa ng husto. But, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine, baby." His words are delicately spoken, my heart clenched.

I fisted his shirt and closed my eyes for a moment before I flickered them open once more. "I want to tell you. I'm just organizing my scattered thoughts."

He put me at arms' length and ogled at me long and hard, as if assessing if I'm telling the truth or not. He nodded his head once and waited for me to begin.

"I never told you but my parents are long separated."

I felt him go unnaturaly still for a few seconds. "What?"

Napatango at napa-iwas ako ng tingin. I blankly stared at the soundless movie playing in our background, needing something to look at since I'm afraid of seeing his reaction for some unknown reasons.

"They're not annulled or anything since they both agreed that they don't want the trouble of pursuing the court's help." I swallowed the big lump on my throat. "Six years old ako nang una silang naghiwalay. I don't know the exact reason, but mom said it never really worked out for both of them. Nabuntis ng tatay ko si mama kaya kailangan nilang magpakasal, to save face. Twenty-one lang sila noon. I can't say they love each other, it's more of them tolerating one another. Bata pa lang ako, alam ko na dahil iba ang nakikita ko sa kanila kumpara sa mga magulang ng mga kaklase at kaibigan ko. They don't have screaming arguments. Naalala ko noon, kapag nagkaka-alitan sila, aalis ang tatay ko at ilang araw ang lilipas bago siya babalik. And when he's back, they act as if nothing happened. They don't resolve anything. It went on and on. Their unconcluded fights piled up until one day, he never came back. I was hurt and devastated. But Mama, she never shed one tear. I knew she felt pain, but not to the extent of grief. Doon ko na-realize na kaya niyang mabuhay ng wala 'yong tatay ko."