"Snap Out Of It"~Camren~

Ch. 24

~Camila's P.O.V.~
It's been about a month and things turned to complete shit. Management decided that Lauren and I shouldn't be together and that it was unprofessional. Simon, who I thought was on our side ended up agreeing and isn't doing anything to help us. We went from always being around each other and laughing and just being happy to being completely distant and pretty much looking like we hate each other. Well, at least in front of the cameras. Behind the screen it's a different story. We love each other obviously and that will never change but what did change was our happiness. Its mentally, emotionally, and physically draining to have to be a secret. I just want things to go back to the way they were. The only thing we have left of this relationship in front of the cameras is our eyes. Our eyes are the only thing that will ever give us up. That's all we have left. We just want them to notice that the love is there, and by them I mean the fans. They've noticed the change and the distance and the watery eyes. When just being distant in front of people didn't work they gave us "boyfriends". Technically I'm in a relationship with Austin Mahone and Lauren is currently dating Brad Simpson from The Vamps. I swear management is so dumb sometimes. Obviously if you give us both boyfriends at the same time that will be pretty fucking suspicious. That's just what we need though. I hate that I have to hold hands with someone else, especially Austin Mafaggot. Don't get me wrong he's nice but he's not Lauren, and I only want her. He's way to obsessed with himself and needs to just give up on trying to be Justin Bieber already. Lauren is all I've ever wanted and somehow I have everybody trying to fucking take her away from me. I'm not the same happy Camila Cabello that gets stressed when she can't find her banana socks, now I'm just a regular teenager putting on fake smiles and pretending. Lauren on the other hand, she's a reck. I've never seen her like this. When I look into her yes I see nothing. No emotion what so ever and that's what hurts me the most. When I'm with her and it's just me and her it's still the same, I see that spark in her eyes but once we're in front of a camera it's like it just vanishes. Like it never even existed. I just want her to be happy, wether it's with me or not. But it pains me that I am her only happiness. I want her to be happy and thrive off of other things. I want her to be free and live her life in peace, and I feel like I might be in the way of that. If she wasn't with me then she could go and be free and not have to worry about being pressured to not even touch each other in public. We can only touch and even talk to each other if we're told so. I just hate the fact that other people are in charge of my life. I hate the fact that I can't even sit next to the love of my life because it might "start more rumors". This is getting really fucking ridiculous. Everyone already knows we're together I mean like 90% of the fandom "ships" us, so why the fuck can't we just be happy. I don't know how much longer I can sit here and pretend to be someone or something I'm not, sometimes I just wish I'd met her at a different time in life, but then I realize that if I had, none of the most amazing memories and passion and love would've ever happened either. I don't know what I'd do without her, but the last thing I want is for her to be in pain.
~
I've been laying on this stupid couch for about two hours now waiting for Lauren and Dinah to come back from their movie. At least she got out of the bus. The door crept open and I pretended I was asleep. Why? I have no idea. I do that a lot lately. It's easier for me when people think I'm sleeping because then I won't have to talk to anybody or try and make myself seem the least bit happy. "Aw look at Mila sleeping." I heard Dinah say as what sounded like bags being placed on the counter. "Well be quiet, she hasn't slept in days." My girlfriend said from across the room, which so happened to be true. I haven't slept, and Lauren only knows this because she hasn't either. We've been so drained and just tired of everything. Have you ever been so tired that you can't even sleep? Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. All you have to do is look closely and you'll see the girls I am now isn't me. I'm just tired. As I kept still I felt warm lips press against the skin of my forehead. I opened my eyes and lifted my hands to grab who I knew was Lauren's cheek. She was a bit startled at first not knowing I would "wake up". I looked into her eyes and it's that. It's that feeling I get when those green eyes meet mine. Those eyes are one of the only things that keep me going. Those eyes are what I look forward to seeing every day when I wake up. I looked in them like they were the only thing in this world, and right now they were. I realized a little while ago that I really don't look the same at anything the way I look at her eyes. Her in general. She's everything to me. Every little thing to the way she pours her heart and soul into a song down to the way she pours her cereal before she pours the milk. Every detail is perfect to me. I didn't think anything could be so fascinating. As I laid there with my hands to her face, just us looking into each other's eyes for so long with out question was the only answer I needed to never give up on us. I lifted my head up and let my lips collapse on hers. I love the way her lips taste and how soft they are, just the way her touch feels on my skin makes me feel like I'm gonna explode. I let go and pulled her down to lay with me on the couch. She crawled up against my body and wrapped herself around my waist. "Hi." Was all I could manage to escape my mouth. She didn't respond but simple placed a kiss on the bottom of my jaw. For the first time in a while I think I might actually be able to sleep tonight.
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I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a really long time. I've been driving myself crazy with school work, I have to get amazing grades or I won't be able to go to Spain this summer. I promise I won't leave for that long again. Love u !! x ~Sarah