𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬 ━ 𝐓𝐢𝐤𝐓𝐨𝐤 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 + 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬【✔︎】

Nessa Barrett

Goodbye

Requested by @dwisuck

Warning: suicide!!

Nessa laid in her bed, cuddling Alexis' pillow. Tears ran down her face landing onto the pillow. Her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying she had done the past two days. Nessa slowly sat up in the bed and looked over at the nightstand where Alexis' suicide note sat. She had yet to read it, too scared of what was wrote in it.

Was it her fault?

Was there something she could've done to stop it?

Why hadn't she noticed the signs before it happened?

Nessa reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the letter that was sealed shut in a white envelope. She took a breath before ripping the seal open. Her eyes scanned over the whole paper before she started from the beginning.

Nessa,
I actually wasn't going to leave a note, but I didn't wanna just leave you with nothing. You mean the world to me and leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Please know that this isn't your fault. It could never be your fault. I didn't want to do this, but I think it's time for me to leave. So many people have told me that I should kill myself and that I'm worthless. I can't handle it anymore. I'm so exhausted and the pain is too unbearable for me to stay here. I'm so sorry, baby. You were the reason I stayed for so long, but I can't do this anymore. Can you please tell everyone that I'm sorry? And I'm so sorry to you. Please don't hate me. I love you forever, Nessa.

Tears pooled out of her eyes and her hand covered her mouth to muffle the sobs leaving her lips. Nessa sat the piece of paper back on the nightstand and dropped her head into her hands. Her mind was clouded with thoughts of Alexis. She said it wasn't her fault, but Nessa felt like it was. How could she not? Alexis was her girlfriend, she should've known something was wrong. Nessa heard a knock on her door and quickly wiped away her tears with her sleeve, but it was no use as it was obvious she was crying.

"Hey, Nessa." Avani said softly as she walked with Addison. The two sat on the bed with her. "How are you?" She asked. Nessa narrowed her eyes at the girls. Of course she wasn't okay. Avani looked down knowing that was a stupid question.

"Do you need anything?" Addison asked. Nessa shrugged.

"I just wanna be alone, please." Nessa said quietly. She didn't wanna be rude and kick them out, but she wasn't in the mood for company. Her friends nodded and each gave her a quick hug goodbye before leaving her alone.

⠉⠉⠉⠉

It had been 2 months since Alexis had passed. Nessa was slowly get better. She knew she wasn't ever gonna go back to the person she was because Alexis wasn't there anymore. Without Alexis she couldn't completely be herself, but Nessa wanted to try and maybe move past it. If she could even do that. So she called Alexis' friends Avani, Anthony, Chase, Bryce, Addison, Kio, Abby, Josh and her sister, Mikayla. She invited them over to her apartment. Once everyone had arrived, she decided to tell them her plans.

"I want us all to write a letter to Alexis." Nessa announced to the group. They all gave her confused looks.

"What do you mean?" Addison questioned.

"We can each write her a letter and just tell her whatever we want. Things we wished we had said or questions we have. Anything." Nessa explained.

"Why? It's not like we're gonna get answers." Chase shrugged. He was close with Alexis. They were basically brother and sister. When he found out about Alexis, he locked himself in his room and cried.

"Well no, but I think it'll be good for us if we just get everything off our chests." Nessa said, hoping everyone would be do it with her. It was quiet for a moment before Mikayla spoke up.

"I think it could be good idea." Mikayla said. Everyone nodded letting it be known that they would participate as well.

⠉⠉⠉⠉

Alexis,
It's Chase. I'm not sure this is gonna help me with grieving you, but Nessa said it'll be good for us so I'm just gonna do it for her sake. I guess I just wanna tell you that I love you. You were like my little sister and it hurts to know that I failed to be there for you. I know you did it because you felt like you had to leave, but I don't think it was your time. I think that you had a whole fucking life ahead of you and people decided to take it away from you for whatever reason. If I could I would beat the shit out of every single person whoever made you feel worthless because you weren't. You mattered. You mattered to so many people and I wish you could've seen that. I love you, Alexis. Wherever you are, I hope you're okay and that you are truly happy.

Hey Alexis, it's me, Mikayla. You're gone, but I like to believe that you're somewhere in heaven, maybe. I don't really know, but I like to think wherever you are, you're okay. I hope you are because I know that you weren't happy here and that's all I hope for, for you. We all miss you. It's not the same without you. It feels like a piece of me just vanished and I won't ever get it back. I'm sorry I didn't see that you were in pain. You hid it so well. You always made sure everyone was happy. I'm so sorry. If there's anything in this letter I need you to here. It's that I'm sorry. So if you can see me or hear what I have to say, I'm so sorry.

Alexis,
It's Ness. I miss you so fucking much, baby. I hate having to live without you. If I could go back in time, I would stay by your side and tell you how much you meant to me. I'd make sure you felt the love you deserve every single day. I don't wanna make it seem like I'm mad at you cause I'm not. I know in your letter, you said you felt like you couldn't stay here any longer, but it's hard for me to understand. Why did you do it? I feel like I'm being I'm being selfish. I'm sorry. I love you more than anyone and anything in the whole fucking world. I won't ever stop. I'm pretty sure it's impossible. I hope one day I'll see you again. I miss you more and more each day. The world is so cruel. Maybe in some way I'm okay that you're gone cause that means you got to go to heaven. Where you can't feel any pain. I just wish you didn't go without me. I love you forever, baby.

Update on the apply fic will be posted later!

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