TW: mention of drugs
n i c o
❐
It was me that Nathan called that night.
Nathan, the boy I wasn't very close with a few months ago, but now couldn't imagine my life without him. Simply because he wasn't my best friend, he was my brother's. But, my brother, like always, moved on. Found someone "better", because they had what he wanted; They had what he thought that he needed.
You can't get better than Nathan.
My brother just didn't know that.
Nathan mourned the loss of my brother, his best friend, but also tried to help my brother overcome this problem.
What Nathan doesn't know is that my brother doesn't want to be helped. I keep trying to remind him that, but he's persistent. That's one of the many things I love about him.
❐
"When was the last time you slept?" I ask Nathan as I sit at the end of his bed.
He shrugs. "I don't know. Yesterday? Maybe the day before? I don't know."
"Nathan, you act like you're indestructible, but you're not. It is okay to take a step back. You need to take care of yourself."
"I just want to help him!" Nathan cries.
"I do too, Nathan, but he doesn't want help. He dug his grave and now he's choosing to lie in it. The thing about drugs and helping people is that you can't help them unless they want to be helped."
He sighs, leaning forward and letting me wrap my arms around him.
"We're gonna do this." I tell him. "We're gonna get better. Together. Okay? We're not gonna try to help him, because it comes to a point sometimes where you just have to stop trying. We're going to take care of ourselves."
He nods, sniffing and looking up at me. "Can yoI stay tonight?" He asks me, holding onto my arms.
I nod, slipping my coat and my shoes off of my feet and crawling onto the bed with him.
❐
The next morning isn't as horrible as I thought it would be. Nathan's eyes are still red and puffy from crying, but I see something in the sunlight that I didn't see in the dark.
"Nathan?" I ask. "When was the last time you saw him? My brother?"
He looks at me, like a deer in the headlights who's been caught. "What do you mean?" He asks.
There's a bruise, black and blue, just under Nathan's left eye, around his cheekbone; It's a newer bruise, like it's just happened within the past two or three days.
I glance from the bruise and back to look him fully in the face. "Nathan." I press.
"Yesterday morning." He says, avoiding eye contact.
"What happened? Why did he punch you? I will kill him, I don't care if he's my brother."
Nathan looks up at me. "Don't... He came around asking for money. He got aggressive when I said no."
I sigh, pulling him into my arms and hugging him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry he's a jerk. I'm sorry you were ever best friends with him. I'm sorry-" I say.
"Stop. Stop apologizing for his mistakes. The things that he did. Remember what you said last night? We're going to stop thinking about it, stop trying to help. We're going to work on ourselves. He's dug his grave and chosen to lie in it." Nathan says, a fierceness coming out of somewhere.
He grabs my face, forcing me to look at him, and I nod, looking down so he won't see the tear that's about to fall. He holds my face, still.
"Look at me." He says. "Look at me. In the eyes." He says, wiping the tear that falls when I look at him.
"I just... I miss him. I miss who he used to be. The best brother ever. The one I would confide in every time something happened." I say, the tears flowing freely now. Nathan nods, pulling me into his arms and rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head.
"We're going to do this. Together." He says, pulling back and looking at me; then his lips are on mine.
He pulls back, looking into my eyes as he traces my jawline with his finger.
"We got this." He whispers, kissing my cheek.
I nod, because we do. We got this.
2/15/21
"Dusk Till Dawn" would be a good song for this one
