a a r o n *
It's our Senior year, so Caelen, my best friend, and I are having to try and decide where we want to go to college, do we want to go to college, where will we apply to, will we go to the same place...all the things like that. Caelen says he'll go wherever I go, but I keep telling him to go where he wants to go.
When I think that I've decided for sure, 100% that I'm going to go to state, Caelen says he'll apply there.
"Caelen, please do not just stay here because I'm your best friend, and that's where I'm going to go," I tell him one evening when we're sitting on my bed; a Friday evening that he's staying the night at my house. "Go where you want to go. Don't stay here for me and be miserable."
"I'm not just staying here for you," he tells me. "State has a really good criminal justice program."
"Okay, but there are so many other places that have good programs for criminal justice! I'm happy you're thinking about staying, but if there's even one part of you that wants to go somewhere else, then do it! Don't let me keep you here!"
"I'm not, Aaron! I'm not letting you keep me here! I mean, yes, you're one of the reasons I've considered staying here, but believe me, I've thought and thought about where I want to go, and I really think that state is the place. Even if I'm just there for a semester, I know that I want to go to state."
I look at him. "Why are you so stubborn?" I ask him. "Why are you so adamant about staying here? There are a lot of different colleges here, why are you so adamant about staying close to me? I don't mind, but why?"
"Aaron, please, I know what I want."
"Caelen, I know that! But why are you so set about staying with me?"
"Because I love you, Aaron," he whispers.
"I love you too, but-" I begin, but he cuts me off.
"No," he says. "I love you so much, Aaron. I can't imagine being without you,"
My heart starts pounding, and I think that I might cry. He comes forward, stopping only a few inches from my face. He gets off the bed, standing up and looks at me.
"Come here," he whispers to me, holding out his hands. I let him take my hands and pull me off the bed. He pulls me into his arms, smiling softly; he puts a finger underneath my chin, lifting my face to meet his in a soft, gentle kiss. Although it starts off slow, and soft, it quickly becomes a fast-paced and messy exchange. He bites my bottom lip gently, and I gasp which gives him the opportunity to slip his tongue inside my mouth, withdrawing it a few moments later to settle his top lip over top of my bottom lip. He pulls away slowly, biting my bottom lip as he pulls away and looks into my eyes.
"That's why I don't want to leave you," he whispers. "But believe me, I've thought about it a lot, and you're not the only thing that's keeping me here, and leading me to go to state. Yes, you are one of the reasons, but you are not the main reason."
I look up and into his eyes, nodding slowly.
"So," he whispers, looking at me and holding my chin with his finger, "I want you, Aaron, I do. I've wanted you for a while now, probably two or three years. I want you to say yes, but I need you to know that you don't have to say yes. I love you, and I think that you are amazing and beautiful, and whoever you end up with is going to be lucky to have you."
"I don't want anyone else to have me," I begin, looking at him. "I don't want anyone else but you. You are the one who has held me through so many things, and you've helped me to see the bright side, and I love you--I'm in love with you. You make me so happy, and I can't explain just how happy you make me, I want to be with you for...forever if you'll let me..."
He looks at me. "Really?" he asks me. "Truly?"
I nod. "Yeah, Caelen, yes."
He smiles at me.
"Caelen?" I ask after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah?" he replies.
"Kiss me."
He leans in his finger still under my chin and presses his lips to mine. I move back and fall on my bed, pulling him with me. He straddles my lap as he kisses me, his hands running up and down my sides; both of my hands rest on his waist.
I feel Caelen's bare chest pressing against my bare shoulder as we're cuddled up in my bed, underneath the blankets. He kisses the spot behind my ear softly. I grab his arm and pull it around me, sliding my fingers in between his.
"I'm glad we talked about that," I say.
"Me too," he whispers. "How long have you liked me?"
"Since we were in the seventh grade," I admit. "It's...it's been a while,"
He turns my face toward his with a smile and kisses my lips gently.
"What do you think people will say?" he asks me.
"About us?" I ask.
He nods.
I shrug. "I don't know. I think most people will be happy for us," I say. "My sister will be happy for me."
"Which one?" he asks.
"Cora," Cora is my older sister; she's in her second year of college, studying nursing.
"She's known I've liked you for a long time... said I'd be stupid to let you go and never tell you,"
"Did you plan on telling me?"
"At some point, yeah. I didn't know when. I'd been thinking maybe after graduation I would, but I wasn't really sure."
He smiles.
Later on, we've both updated our social media, and, of course, Cora is over-the-moon happy for us, and so is everyone else.
"I told you," I whisper quietly to Caelen as we read through the comments laying together in bed.
"I know," he whispers. "You were right,"
I smile and kiss him softly.
1/21/20
